May 3, 2011

  • Someone Special

    On March 18th, 2011 at 8:51 PM, I received a message from a member of the dating service that I go to. She commented on my profile and how I seem to be pretty cool. Unlike 99% of the people who have contacted me through the dating service, her and I continued to talk. Minute conversations started turning into hour long conversations; sometimes we would be unaware of the time because we really seemed to connect with each other. However, it wasn't until April 16th when we exchanged cell phone numbers; cell phone numbers may not seem like a big deal to most people, but I have had some bad experiences giving women I knew over the internet my cell phone number. Giving a woman my phone number, to me, means something. At that point in time, I definitely saw some potential in the woman because of how well we seemed to understand each other; having a conversation with her is like having a conversation with myself, it seemed. 

    I really wanted to give this woman a chance; initially, we planned on going on a date after I finished my semester. At the time, it seemed like a logical choice because I would be allowed to focus on my school work and finish off strong; after all, this semester is the first time where I've went to school and worked at the same time so I haven't quite adjusted to my new schedule yet.

    The more we talked, the more I couldn't wait. Being a realist, I feared that she would lose interest in me, become impatient, and perhaps lose hope. Deep down inside, no one really wants to wait for something that they feel has potential to be a great thing in their life. If you know you have a winning lottery ticket and have a chance to cash it in, you more than likely wouldn't wait till the last minute to cash it because the rewards are great. Not going on a date would not only deprive her, increase my chances of losing yet another opportunity to date someone, but it also deprived me. This deprivation caused a lot of anxiety because my consciousness says that being romantically involved with a woman is not a good thing because it would only result in losing motivation to study: for one thing, I wouldn't dedicate all my time to staying on top of school work because I'd also have to dedicate myself to the woman because the opportunity of having a long-term relationship is exactly what I've always wanted, and I wouldn't psychologically be ready to tackle school when my mind is pre-occupied. Having been single for such a long time, only managing to get laid instead of something I've truly wanted, I had a feeling that I would instantly fall for this woman, even if the date was completely awkward. I faced a problem, and I couldn't only make one choice:

    Should I date this woman NOW, make sacrifices, but allow me to enter her life to increase my chances of becoming a boyfriend, or should I wait till the end school to pursue this woman that may very well be taken by someone else?

    With my history, I couldn't take that risk. On April 24th, at 9:17 PM, I asked her if she was willing to go out on Thursday night. Because we were already planning on dating anyways, I knew that she was going to say yes; yet, my heart skipped a beat. Could this be my opportunity? Is this really happening? Not only is this woman beautiful, but this woman has my personality.

    Within a four day period, we became very nervous. We would still continue talking, but we gradually worked our way to the point that we couldn't breathe; I couldn't breathe. Here I was, sitting in parking lot at 7:00 PM on a quiet Thursday night, chewing several packs of Juicy Fruit gum at once, going to the bathroom twice in a 10 minute period, and looking out for a blue Honda. It wasn't until the 2nd time I came back from the bathroom when I saw the blue Honda stop by my car, around 7:12 PM on April 28th, and out stepped the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Not only was she just like I imagined in her pictures, but knowing that her and I click made that physical attraction melt through the roof of my mind. A rush of emotions entered my consciousness, but I knew that we were going to have a good time; I had a good feeling.

    How was the date, you ask? Was it awkward? All right? Good? Great? Outstanding? No. Her and I referred to our first date as "perfect." Truthfully, it went a lot better than expected; there was still periods of awkwardness, but we mostly were able to be ourselves and really managed to enjoy our time together.

    The first thing we did was play bowling; originally I thought that I had underestimated her bowling skills, but I was under the impression that she bowled 200's. However, there could've been many reasons why she managed to lose both games, but the scores didn't really matter. We both had a good feeling of each other, and we were looking forward to the rest of the night. I, especially, was looking forward to laser tag because I thought that laser tag was a great way to start a fire, for us to really get comfortable with each other, and to have a great time as well.

    Before the game started, her and I pretended to be police officers with our fake laser guns, and we were already in the mood for having a good time. At one point, we met each other in the arena and I considered kissing her. It was an awkward moment because she was anticipating to be kissed, and so was I; however, when I managed to get up close and personal, I just shook her playfully and ran off in the distance to avoid getting shot by her again (I take laser tag too seriously).

    Afterwards, we munch on some fries and share a large Coke and talked about a variety of different things until it was past closing time. Having no where else to go, we decided to head back to her dorm to continue our conversation. Although society typically associates going back to the dorm as engaging in sex, I truly wanted to sit down on the couch with her and talk until I was exhausted. To avoid sex, we first went into the study rooms; however, those rooms were very silent, very awkward, and we were not very close to each other. When she wanted to go into her dorm, I knew that I had an opportunity to plant a kiss on her that she would never forget. I first asked if she wanted to sit closer to me on the couch, and happily accepting, I scooted closer to her and put my arm around her shoulder. When the moment was right, I raised her chin with my fingers, and we kissed. 

    After that point, we talked until the end of the night; it wasn't until 1:15 AM when I decided to travel another 30-40 minutes back to my house because I had essays to write and only a limited amount of time to do them.

    Ever since then, we've been talking constantly. We planned our second date to be the next Thursday, but we literally couldn't wait that long. For our second date, we walked around her campus's lake, ate smoothies, and spent most of the time in her dorm watching a couple movies that I managed to get on DVD. After Wrongfully Accused, the first movie we watched, we headed towards the mall to get a few things (I almost lost my cell phone in the men's restroom; that was an awkward experience), and then went back to watch the second movie.

    It's safe to say that I enjoy being romantic with her; we've kissed a lot of times and spent most of the second movie looking into each other's eyes. When I look at her, I can't help but think about how lucky I am to have a girlfriend like her; smart, beautiful, funny, capable of being romantic, and just being similar to me. When I look into her eyes, I see a woman that I'm willing to date for as long as I possibly can. Towards the end of the night, it was getting late and I was getting exhausted; I didn't want to leave because I feared that I'd risk getting into a car accident on the highway. It wasn't just 4 days before I was traveling on the highway at 1:30 in the morning, swerving in and out of lanes, not conscious of my surroundings (it's a miracle I managed to drive through downtown Atlanta). I didn't want to do that again, and so we ended up settling on sleeping together. No sexual contact; just nothing but snuggling and sleeping.

    I never managed to get sleep; however, it was because of too many reasons. The main reason why I couldn't sleep is because I was too happy. Feeling her breath on my skin and her lips within inches of mine made me feel like the luckiest guy alive. Though I'm tired as shit (and I'm gonna take a nap after this), she consumed my mind that night and the only thing I could do was kiss her while she was sleeping.

    I also managed to tell her that I love her because saying that is typically a difficult thing to do. But I truly can't get her out of my mind. She is the only thing I think about, and when I close my eyes...I imagine kissing her. I love her so much that it's grossly corny. She knows this. We know this.

    Before I started dating her, I had a good feeling about our relationship; things haven't changed. I hope that she will be mine for as long as possible. I don't want things to end. I never have, and never will. She's an amazing woman, and I wouldn't change a single thing about her.

    I love her too much.