June 3, 2011

  • Mixed feelings

    I'm a strong believer that "experience is the father of wisdom," so I will not sit and blog about how my life sucks; granted, times have been kind of tough lately and I do feel a bit challenged based on recent events, but I'm not going to say that I am not fortunate. I have exactly what I've dreamed of: I have a wonderful girlfriend, I have a goal in life, I have a job (it pays crap but at least I have a job), and I don't currently feel like ending my life anytime soon. It's hard to realize what my life was like before I managed to get a job that I was remotely interested in and a girlfriend who I feel strongly about; then again, I was a depressed individual so my life must've been on the opposite end of the spectrum. I had no sense of direction; I felt nothing in my life. Before I start ranting about what's been going on in my life, I think it's important to mention that I'm not exactly saying "my life sucks" because, compared to my past, my life is fucking awesome. I am fortunate, in other words, but I believe that it's okay to feel upset about something as long as you plan on learning from that experience to better yourself.

    Though I have the strong urge to talk about the success my girlfriend and I are having together, I feel that I should offer some information about what happened at the end of last semester; you know, where I was upset about the final exams because I had to get used to a job and a girlfriend? Well, things didn't go as well as I planned. Because I had three classes, I had a lot of pressure to do good on my Calculus I final exam. Normally, I respond pretty well under pressure when it comes to meeting deadlines and studying for exams; however, I didn't respond well because I felt no pressure. You may think, based on recent Xanga entries, that my girlfriend was the cause of it; perhaps, but not exactly. If I didn't meet my girlfriend till after school, I probably would've did better, but I believe that my girlfriend was only an influence; the main reason why I wasn't pressured on my final exam was because I just didn't care much anymore.

    I ended up getting a C on my math exam; despite the fact that we were allowed to use cheat sheets, I still didn't manage to do that great because I didn't study different problems. I did study material, but not all the material I studied asked the same questions on the exam. Essentially, I choked on several problems. Compared to the lack of amount of problems and my lack of studying, getting a C was pretty good. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough; I ended up getting a C average in math class. My English grade average was an A, and my Sociology average was a B. I ended up getting an A, B, and C. You would think that the average would be a B; however, math was a 4 hour class instead of 3, and therefore was more crucial to my GPA. I ended up getting a 2.9 GPA.

    What's this mean? Well, I'm not quite sure. My cumulative GPA is a 3.11, but I'm not quite sure if I still qualify for the HOPE scholarship. If I still do, which would be awesome, it would greatly help out because I've been planning on buying a new car for the past week. If you would've asked me if my car was on sell, I'd give you some ridiculous price because I didn't feel the need to sell it. At the time, it didn't have that many problems and it took me from point A to point B. I was appreciative because if I didn't have my own car, I wouldn't have been able to see my girlfriend NEAR as much. Ever since my girlfriend moved in with her best friend, it's almost been a constant 35 minute drive back and forth; at some point, I even forgot what it was like to sit down and relax at my own home because I was hardly ever there anymore. If I didn't have a job, I would be even less at my own home. At first, it felt kind of weird to sleep over (but that didn't stop me from passing out on a really comfortable blow up mattress), but then I started being involved more with the family and I developed more comfort (and maybe a more tolerance to what I was allergic too). No, I didn't get the chance to snuggle with my girlfriend, but we managed to do a lot of things together: go to the movies, restaurants, picnics, etc. Unfortunately, my car couldn't handle all of the driving. At first, my car started pulling to the right; it almost felt like I had a flat tire on the right side, but I checked each tire's PSI and they all measured the standard 35 PSI. I thought...well shit, this can't be good if it's not the tires, but I kind of dropped it and decided to continue driving. Then, my car started having some engine trouble; I was in a similar situation a while back, and I have a feeling that I need to either replace my spark plugs or some wires are loose. If that's not the case, then I'm not sure what it is. All I know is that my car is slow and wants to stall (especially when it turns). All of these things indicate to me that I don't have the money to maintain a vehicle that is going to continue breaking down; if I plan on driving up to my girlfriend and THEN driving other places regardless of how much traffic, I need a car with better gas mileage. Therefore, I have deeply considered selling my car and buying a new one; this is where the HOPE scholarship comes in because the PLAN is to fix my (hopefully) minor issues with the car, wait till school starts, and use the rest of the Pell Grant money and the money from my car to buy a better car. At this point, I'm looking at anything and everything within 1,200-2,000 dollars on Craigslist. One guy offered 1,500 dollars for my car; but that was before my engine started having problems and I decided to delete my Craigslist post and wait till I'm ready to buy and sell.

    My car was a large influence to me being upset; however, I also was upset because my girlfriend was going to Brazil. My girlfriend's plane ticket says that she'll spend 2 months in Brazil, but my girlfriend suggests that she'll be back in a month. The fee for traveling back early is around 300 dollars, which upsets me, but I would eventually get over myself to have my girlfriend back in my arms. My girlfriend has shown me how pathetic my life was before I met her; as you can imagine, I'm not too thrilled about living the same ol' boring life I did before I met her. I have her cell phone so I can still talk to her, and I can webcam chat with her online so it's not all totally bad, but I was never a sucker for online dating. Regardless, I love my girlfriend more than she could POSSIBLY imagine; therefore, I will wait as long as I have to to see her again. I'm just upset, that's all. So right now, I'm just playing games and saving up money for a new car. I hoped to have a new car by the time my girlfriend gets back, but I'm not sure if plans will work out like that. I've been looking on Craigslist, and if I see an offer that is too good to refuse, then I will definitely borrow all the money I can to pay for it. But for now, I'm stuck with my car. I fear that my steering is getting worse, and I feel that it's all a matter of time before something bad happens; however, I'm hoping that nothing bad happens and everything will work out better than expected.

    My girlfriend made it to Brazil okay and she's spending time with family. It's all a patience game at the moment; until then, it's video games, working, and sleep. I guess I can suck it up.