June 24, 2011

  • An Update This Soon?!?!

    It's 2:13 AM, and I am already late to bed by 13 minutes. Though I am late to bed, I'm not surprised that I'm still up. I've developed a consistent routine at going to bed at 3 AM and waking up at 10 AM; in fact, yesterday morning I woke up 10 minutes before 10 AM. Yesterday morning, I woke up looking at my alarm clock as if I was late to school. Realizing I woke up 10 minutes before the alarm went off, I jumped out of bed and went directly to my computer.

    For the people who know me, they would find it hard to believe that I do a lot of things in a pattern: this morning I woke up, opened my door, said my "good morning" to my family members, and turned my computer on. Because I usually anticipate my girlfriend to be on, I'm always in a rush to get on Facebook because I'd have a feeling that I'd be under a time constraint before she'd exit Facebook; like in the movies where there's a bomb and they only have a certain period of time before it explodes. I know she's never on, but my mind tries to rationalize everything; at least it allows me to get up early with ease, right? If I never met my girlfriend, I'd probably be waking up at 1 PM and simply not giving a shit about it. I could still wake up at 1 PM, but sometimes I have a life that requires me to go to work for a certain amount of time; today I work at 7:15 to 11 PM (not long at all), so waking up at 1 PM would mean that I'm giving her a 5 hour window of opportunity to talk to me on the internet or phone. However, I like giving her as much opportunity as possible. In some depressing sort of way, I actually feel better about waiting for her. Yes, life does feel kind of slow when you're sitting on your chair and looking at a computer screen for an extended period of time, but it's all worth it when you find out that she's signed on.

    Point is that I've been adjusting to my new schedule, and I didn't really mind it. However, I was told by my supervisor last Tuesday that I'm working 30+ hours next week. Because my car is in the shop, and I'm anticipating the bill to be around 600 dollars, I certainly could use the money; however, less personal free time means less time to potentially talk to my girlfriend. I also found out that my girlfriend's operation is in early July, and I may or may not be working another 30+ hours. I think working more often would do me some good, especially when I won't be in contact with my girlfriend from 3-5 days. I need to do something about it NOW, or that's going to drive me crazy. The operation will mark an important day; especially for my girlfriend. my girlfriend will have to adjust to new eating habits, but at least the operation will be over and we can finally focus on each other's emotional support until she arrives back in Georgia. Because I'll be busy all next week and because she'll have the operation, these next two weeks should be (mostly) a breeze; while I'm out of contact with my girlfriend, I'll be able to sleep a little bit better and get some things accomplished. By the time she's done with her operation, we'll only have three weeks left. After that point, she'll be around more often to talk to me, and each day will bring us closer and closer to seeing each other. By that time, my car SHOULD be out of the shop and I should be in the process of selling it OR seeing if I can get the seat belts replaced. Basically, once July rolls around, I believe that things will start improving. I'm not sure about my girlfriend and how well she's going to deal with significant changes, but at least I'd be in a good mood by helping her feel positive rather than talking to her on the phone about depressing shit. The last thing I wanna talk about with my girlfriend is sad things because it ends up making us both sad.

    Already things have started to improve. On June 21st, my girlfriend sent me a blog she typed up and it made me feel better about our situation. Unlike being a stereotypical guy, I actually enjoy reading or listening to my girlfriend's thoughts or feelings. I want the relationship to work out, and I think it's important to really understand each other. Her blog consisted of our potential future; it seems corny, and it is, but it puts a smile on my face to hear the possibility that my girlfriend and I could get married in the future. You have to keep in mind that I used to be COMPLETELY against marriage all together; you know your girlfriend has made a significant difference in your life when she's changed some viewpoints that you've had for long periods of time. I'm usually an argumentative person also; I'm very good at debates, but my girlfriend has influenced me without even saying a word. That's how serious love is, I suppose.

    We've been talking more about our feelings lately, and I always enjoy those conversations because it gives me hope that everything will be all right. It's like throwing water on my pessimistic flame; it still burns, but not as much as it used to. I'm glad that despite our circumstances, things are still working out. I've also learned something that contributes to "major coincidences;" I can use my phone charger to charge my girlfriend's phone. May not be THAT big of a deal, but when coincidences add up, you've just got yourself even more reason to believe that she's "the one." In her blog, she claims that I'll be stuck with her, but if that's the case then I'm more than okay with that. She's my first true love, and I feel as if she'll be my last. I'm gonna do my best, that's for sure. 

    Anyways, it's time to go to bed. It's 3 AM, and I need to wake up at 10 AM to mow the grass real quick so I could (maybe) catch my girlfriend online before I head off to work. She's my fuel; if I can't talk to her, then I won't feel like myself. I have never been so proud of myself in my life; I've finally found what I've been looking for.