June 26, 2011

  • I'm Getting Better...

    Originally, I only planned on adding some collections that were about my girlfriend and I, but I ended up filling a lot of space by adding Nintendo 64 games (difficult to see from this perspective but they are on the second shelf behind the cars), and various other games as well. Of all the games that I currently own, Medal of Honor: Allied Assault is the most significant because I have, easily, spent the most hours on it than any other game combined. Some video games are not that significant, but I was mostly just trying to fill up some space.

    Not to sound corny, but everything that I've collected with my girlfriend and I are significant; obviously she means a great deal to me, so it would only make logical sense to keep those collections in good condition if we were to ever get married, we could look back and reminisce how young and innocent we were, and how I completely fell head over heels for this woman. I've had some pretty tough years in my lifetime, but 2011 has been, by far, the year that has packed the most radical changes. My girlfriend has changed my life, quite possibly, forever. She knows that she is in possession of my heart; if something were to happen and I would no longer be with her, I would be devastated. Quite simply, I will no longer be able to love, and I, essentially, will no longer be able to live; maybe not so much physically but emotionally. Without her, it is very difficult for me to come alive. The only people who have managed to make me feel more like myself is my friends.

    I'm rambling...THE POINT IS that my girlfriend is significant and therefore the things I feel like collecting for us belong in my collection. Right now, that consists of a copy OF the note she wrote me before she left for Brazil, and the original receipt of the bowling alley we went to on our first date. Also, a temporary gorilla (located on the bottom shelf) is what my girlfriend won in a claw game at a Steak N' Shake; she says it reminds her of me, and I am happily a 21 year old who sleeps with it every night. I also have a ribbon that my girlfriend wore for her sexy pirate costume to a Renaissance festival, but I haven't put it in the collection yet. The question you might wonder is "am I crazy?" 

    If you're stranded in the desert with no food and water and you end up eating a scorpion and drinking your own piss, people don't really consider you crazy because you're doing it to fight for survival. At the time, it's the only logical thing to do because you have needs and need to have those needs satisfied or you will die. However, when someone eats a scorpion and drinks his own piss for no logical reason, then we might question is sanity. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and opinions are all different and therefore everyone has a different concept of what is and isn't considered an obsession. My rationality for collecting things and soaking my girlfriend into my life is my fight for survival; it is a reminder of what my life was back before I had such a wonderful girlfriend. My life was dark, depressing, unfulfilled, and yet I was in denial. I felt happy, but we can believe anything we want to believe when we put our minds to it. There is ultimately no way of dealing with being single besides setting it aside; but we all know that setting aside our issues does not eliminate our problems, but for only a temporary moment.

    Before I met my girlfriend, I was on the verge of ending my life. Essentially, I gave up fighting for survival and almost lost all hope; I lost hope in myself and the world around me. She has shown me different, though. She has shown me that life is worth fighting for because if I hadn't of signed up for that dating service as a last attempt, I wouldn't have met her.

    Anyways, before I get teary eyed...

    To make a long story short, my girlfriend admitted that she had dreams about her ex. After a long conversation, I've realized that I have done nothing but jump to conclusions and my girlfriend has done nothing but prove to me that I'm being irrational. It's perfectly natural to be concerned about whether a relationship will last or not when she means everything to you, but it's not okay to obsess about it by over-analyzing. It got me to thinking that what my girlfriend needs is NOT a boyfriend who questions anything but a boyfriend who actually supports her and provides all that he can rather than worrying about losing her. So I've decided to change, and I have made some improvements. I will also continue to make improvements.

    One of the ways that I will improve is that I actually started my one month free trial for Netflix. So far, it's actually pretty awesome; been watching The Office and trying to keep up with the seasons (I haven't finished season 2 yet so as you can imagine...I'm FAR behind). So I will be spending my free time watching movies and tv shows; next week is going to be good for that occasion because I'll be off 4 days in a row! I was told last week that I'd be working 30+ hours, but it appears that I'll only be working around 10-20.

    I will also be getting my car back on Monday. The mechanic says that one of my engine's cylinders wasn't firing because it wasn't connected all the way and my sway bars needed to be replaced. He said that my engine should be good, but my car will still pull to the right. What I plan on doing is selling it (I'm going to ask my mechanic how much) and then we'll go from there. If everything works out, I'll have a different car by the time my girlfriend gets back. Otherwise, I'll still have my car. As long as it works, I'm okay.

    I have work at 4:15 PM till 11:00 PM, so I need to go to bed. Long day ahead of me, but I'm glad that I'll (hopefully) be able to talk to my girlfriend for a while before I run off to work. I'm tired.