July 5, 2012

  • Repairing

    When my girlfriend got her operation, she was instructed by the doctor to not drink any alcohol -- this felt like a victory for me because I didn't like the fact that she was a social drinker. I knew that it was going to bring a lot of relationship complications if she were to bring alcohol into my life, and I kind of hoped that she'd lose incentive to drink alcohol when she's fully recover. It didn't happen, and that's one of the main reasons why her turning 21 in the Bahamas was a big deal to me. Everything built up to that moment, and I just had that feeling like she'd bring me bad news. Of course, being highly against alcohol and finding out that my girlfriend couldn't remember everything about that night...didn't really help anything. To this very day, I don't even know if something happened. Hell, she doesn't know either. The only thing she told me was what other people told her that she got wasted and they ended up dragging her back to the room. I have no choice but to believe her, right?  I trust her. But the fact that she can't remember everything scared the shit out of me and confirmed why I get upset in the first place. I believe that regardless of whether people consider themselves social drinkers or not, at one point...they'll get carried away by getting caught up in the moment...take a few sips too many or mix something together that is stronger than they think it is, and end up having those "I don't know what I did last night" experiences. I trust my girlfriend 100%, but I don't trust alcohol. I don't think she saw the clear distinction when we argued. When you drink alcohol, especially too much, your judgment gets clouded. How much? It varies, of course. However, at some point...you run the possibility of something happening. Being in a room with a bunch of other drunk people that you hardly know, you can't eliminate the possibility of something bad happening. It doesn't take much for a guy to pursue a woman. The question is how far is a woman going to go before she realizes that the guy is trying to have sex with her? Is it with everybody else in the same room, or is it away from the crowd...in another room on the bed when you're just trying to "talk." I know my girlfriend is smart enough to know the difference between pursuit and friendship, but I've never had alcohol...I don't know how bad it fucks you up. I know that drinking while driving is bad, I know that people have died from doing something stupid while drunk, so I didn't completely trust alcohol...and I never will. I have no reason to trust alcohol. Alcohol holds no prejudice against people -- at some point, drinking will impair your judgment, and at that point...I wouldn't care if you were the Pope or 40 year old virgin woman. The risk, to me, is unnecessary. Why would I get drunk to the point that I don't even remember what I did? Just for "fun?" For all I know, two months down the line...I could be slammed with a DNA test to a baby I didn't even know was mine and would be like...wtf is this? When did I get a woman pregnant? Of course I would deny anything to do with the baby because I would feel wrongfully accused of getting a woman pregnant, but then I'd remember "that one night" where I forgot what happened.

    That's not something I'd ever want to be put into. I never want to wake up and not know what the hell I did.

    And apparently, neither did she. She told me that she regrets mixing the alcohol because she didn't realize how bad it affected her body. Before she realized it, she was already intoxicated enough to the point that she wouldn't remember the stuff by the time she woke up. Which is good for us because we were at an agreement. If mixing alcohol causes shit like that to happen, then you don't want to mix alcohol anymore. I think my girlfriend was scared to a certain extent, and maybe she won't do it again. She also says that she never wanted to get that drunk with those people because she didn't trust them enough. If she was with her real friends, the people that she trusts with anything, then she'd feel comfortable getting to that point...and my girlfriend also says that I have every right to be angry if she does get drunk in public and/or around people she doesn't trust. Of course, there's many variables that come into play on what is and isn't reasonable to be upset with, but we've found something that I can agree on that alcohol is very dangerous and needs to be done responsibility. If my girlfriend claims to be a social drinker, not an alcoholic, then she would never drink beyond what she deems appropriate. I'm sure if she felt buzzed or intoxicated enough to know that she's drank enough, she would stop for her safety. And if she didn't...she know she'd be putting herself at risk, and therefore it would be reasonable to be upset. Ultimately, I wish that she stopped drinking alcohol...but, it's not my decision to make. But if we can agree on SOMETHING, we can come to an understanding. I think that she's starting to understand my point of view, and we're taking the issue to the appropriate level. I know a compromise won't be reached, but I know that my girlfriend makes decisions based on her safety. It's a start, right? I can't guarantee that we won't have another argument, but at least we're moving in the right direction (I think at least).

    I just thought it was important to note in my Xanga for later.

    In other news, I bought another model car. It's an old school mustang that I went to Michaels for. It came pre-painted, but I built it. I was in the building mood one day and figured I'd by a 1:24 scale Mustang for 14 bucks. That makes like...25 or so model cars to my collection. I'm starting to run out of room...