It's hard to realize that my last entry was the on June 3rd, 2011; it honestly feels like a century ago when I last posted about my life. However, June 3rd hasn't been that long ago; in fact, it's only been 5 days. It's safe to say that the time has been consistently slow; sometimes I found myself waking up early in the morning, look at my alarm clock, and then look at my alarm clock what feels like 5 minutes later and finding that it's the same exact time as it was. It used to be that a minute was 60 seconds; now I feel like a minute is 120 seconds. Even when I play video games, sleep, or go to work, time is consistently slow. The things I used to latch onto for emotional support (games, sleep, etc) are no longer needed because I have exactly what I've always wanted; a feeling of completeness, a feeling of satisfaction, etc. When people used to tell me that "there's someone out there for everyone," I didn't always believe it. I was too pessimistic about love and relationships that I settled for nothing; not really "settled," but I was more in denial of my true feelings of loneliness. Every woman I've dated were the same, and they all failed. This one, however, is still going. It's hard to realize but I've dated my girlfriend for a month, and we'll be spending 2/3 our relationship in separate countries. I know that it'll be good for us because, for her, she has to spend time with family and have operations, but it's good for me because it gives me a reality check. At the rate we were going, and the feelings I had toward her, I honestly feel that I would jump to conclusions and risk our relationship by marrying her. There no denial on how great I felt, how right everything was, that I thought that THIS is my opportunity, THIS is the girl of my dreams, and THIS is what will complete my life; not only do I feel this way, but too an extent, she does also. The best feeling is not only feeling comfortable letting down your fences, but also knowing that your girlfriend is willing to let down hers. It is extremely difficult; her and I both know this simply because of our knowledge about the world. Things fall apart; the question is when? Will it be when we die? Or will it be tomorrow? That's what I'm afraid of. I could tell you write now, write this in blood, bet every penny that I earn from now until the end of my life, that I could love this woman for the rest of my life if she gave me the chance. The choice to break up? It's simply non-existent. Why? Because breaking up with her would be breaking up with me. I would essentially be shooting myself in the foot, cause heartache and pain, and who knows what I would do at that point. The choice is all hers, and I hope that it never happens.

I don't want it to happen because, like I mentioned in here (or previous entry), she is what completes me; she is my other half. When something bad happens to her, something bad happens to me. When she feels sad, I feel sad. When she feels angry, I feel angry. When she feels hurt, I feel hurt. Because I can't be with my girlfriend while she's in Brazil, I can only wait to hear her voice or read her text about what's been going on. If something bad were to happen to her, I wouldn't know about it until she or someone told me. Sometimes I have dreams about saving her life, and I also have nightmares about her dying. I don't like it when I'm in a position that I can't control; if something were to happen to her, I wouldn't be able to do anything about it because I'm in another country. By the time I bought a plane ticket and traveled 10+ hours, I could be too late or the situation could already be over. This brings me back to the title of my entry: I've been really upset...

Around 12:30, I received a text from one of my girlfriend's friends. At first, I didn't bother to text because I was at work and I planned on looking at the text in the bathroom; I didn't think it was important because it wasn't even my phone. When I was able to use the restroom, I whipped out her cell phone and checked the message. Here's what it said:

"Your girlfriend IMed me on fb and told me to tell u to get on now. Something's happened"

I wasn't exactly sure what I read, so I read over it. My girlfriend...IMed her on fb and told her to tell me to get on...now. Something's happened. Wait...something's happened? Get on now?! I can't! I'm at work! So, I responded:

Me: "I cant im at work what happened"

Her: "She said it's ok, she'll let u know when u get home"

Then I thought, originally I was told to get on now because something happened. I knew it was something bad and therefore all bad things are bad. But then things got worse:

Her: "She's ok so don't worry, she just wants to talk to you pretty badly"

Still sitting on the toilet, I realized that the message was completely contradicting. Don't worry? Don't WORRY?! If you want to talk to someone pretty badly, then there must be a valid reason why. At this point, my hands were shaking:

Me: "About what just tell me what happened i cant get on right now please"

I ended up calling her. I convinced my girlfriend's friend to tell me what happened and I found out...

that my girlfriend got bit by a dog.

My hands started to shake even more. When I heard the news, I glanced up at my bathroom door and had the sudden urge to punch it. However, sitting next to me, a man was listening in on the conversation and I did the only logical thing to do; I stormed out of the bathroom nearly to the point of tears, told my supervisor what was going on, and explained that I needed to get off work to find out what was going on. She allowed me to get off work, but I'm not sure what's going to happen with my job. I offered to work tomorrow to make up my hours, and I'll wake up a little early to ask if I can work today to make up my hours, but I'm not sure if there's much that I can do. Hopefully everything will be okay as far as work was concerned. At that point in time, however, I had a mixture of feelings. Just recently, I got over spending from 7 AM to 4 PM worried that my girlfriend was going to have surgery with public healthcare; yes, the public healthcare in Brazil that many people call "substandard" and "unsanitary." Now this? I couldn't believe it! Just one thing after the next. Also, considering I was having nightmares about my girlfriend wasn't helping the situation. If my girlfriend is to spend till July 30th in Brazil and yet we've only managed to be apart for 6 days, then what is the REST of the time going to be like? What's going to happen next?

Obviously, like anyone, I was upset. How would you react if your significant other got bit by a dog and you don't even know the full details? She says she'll be okay, but what does "okay" mean? Has half her face been peeled off? Is she confined in a wheelchair? Has she contracted rabies? "Okay" to her must be "alive" and I believe that's too general of an answer. Of course you're okay, but the question is WHAT HAPPENED? 

As far as I know, my girlfriend was petting a dog in someone's yard and one of the guard dogs OF that yard and thought that the dog was being hurt (or he could've been just jealous). My girlfriend looked away, and without warning, she found the guard dog on top of her. She had to get stitches in two spots: near her chin, and near her cheek. As far as I know, the dog managed to cause two deep cuts, along with scratches. The scratches will probably heal, but the deep cuts might result in some scaring. My girlfriend suggests that she was stitched up by a very qualified doctor, and therefore there will be minimal scaring. However, I will not know how much scaring there is until in a couple weeks.

People have told me that she is "lucky," however they had a poor choice of words. No, no one is every lucky to be bitten by a dog for doing no damn thing. She is luckier than some people who have been bitten by dogs because:

1) There was a group of people around her, and
2) the dog had its shots, apparently.

Therefore, it could've been a lot worse; however, people were able to react quickly and rushed her to the emergency room.

But I guaran-fucking-tee you that if I was there, none of it would of happened. I know guard dogs, and I know what they're capable of doing. People underestimate the power of animals; they can be nice, but they have a superiority complex and tools to utilize that superiority. Unfortunately, I wasn't there to help. It could've been worse, which I'm very thankful for, but something like that shouldn't happen. I would rather it try to take a chunk out of me than her because I'd be in less pain. Like her, I'm suffering because I don't want to see her in pain; I want to take all that pain and put it in me instead. However, that's not physically possible at this point so I'm shit out of luck for my generation.

...Point is that I'm deeply upset at this moment in time. Within these past 6 days since my girlfriend's been gone, things haven't been going that great. Not only that, but time has been going slow; not a good combination. It's just one thing after the next. I just want her back here, so we can continue our amazing relationship and perhaps move onto bigger things in our lives.

In other news, my car needs work BAD. I'm waiting for my mechanic to find time to come here to work on my car, but he hasn't called back yet. So right now, I'm just...taking each day by day. Nothing more I can do at this point but wait patiently.

I'm a strong believer that "experience is the father of wisdom," so I will not sit and blog about how my life sucks; granted, times have been kind of tough lately and I do feel a bit challenged based on recent events, but I'm not going to say that I am not fortunate. I have exactly what I've dreamed of: I have a wonderful girlfriend, I have a goal in life, I have a job (it pays crap but at least I have a job), and I don't currently feel like ending my life anytime soon. It's hard to realize what my life was like before I managed to get a job that I was remotely interested in and a girlfriend who I feel strongly about; then again, I was a depressed individual so my life must've been on the opposite end of the spectrum. I had no sense of direction; I felt nothing in my life. Before I start ranting about what's been going on in my life, I think it's important to mention that I'm not exactly saying "my life sucks" because, compared to my past, my life is fucking awesome. I am fortunate, in other words, but I believe that it's okay to feel upset about something as long as you plan on learning from that experience to better yourself.

Though I have the strong urge to talk about the success my girlfriend and I are having together, I feel that I should offer some information about what happened at the end of last semester; you know, where I was upset about the final exams because I had to get used to a job and a girlfriend? Well, things didn't go as well as I planned. Because I had three classes, I had a lot of pressure to do good on my Calculus I final exam. Normally, I respond pretty well under pressure when it comes to meeting deadlines and studying for exams; however, I didn't respond well because I felt no pressure. You may think, based on recent Xanga entries, that my girlfriend was the cause of it; perhaps, but not exactly. If I didn't meet my girlfriend till after school, I probably would've did better, but I believe that my girlfriend was only an influence; the main reason why I wasn't pressured on my final exam was because I just didn't care much anymore.

I ended up getting a C on my math exam; despite the fact that we were allowed to use cheat sheets, I still didn't manage to do that great because I didn't study different problems. I did study material, but not all the material I studied asked the same questions on the exam. Essentially, I choked on several problems. Compared to the lack of amount of problems and my lack of studying, getting a C was pretty good. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough; I ended up getting a C average in math class. My English grade average was an A, and my Sociology average was a B. I ended up getting an A, B, and C. You would think that the average would be a B; however, math was a 4 hour class instead of 3, and therefore was more crucial to my GPA. I ended up getting a 2.9 GPA.

What's this mean? Well, I'm not quite sure. My cumulative GPA is a 3.11, but I'm not quite sure if I still qualify for the HOPE scholarship. If I still do, which would be awesome, it would greatly help out because I've been planning on buying a new car for the past week. If you would've asked me if my car was on sell, I'd give you some ridiculous price because I didn't feel the need to sell it. At the time, it didn't have that many problems and it took me from point A to point B. I was appreciative because if I didn't have my own car, I wouldn't have been able to see my girlfriend NEAR as much. Ever since my girlfriend moved in with her best friend, it's almost been a constant 35 minute drive back and forth; at some point, I even forgot what it was like to sit down and relax at my own home because I was hardly ever there anymore. If I didn't have a job, I would be even less at my own home. At first, it felt kind of weird to sleep over (but that didn't stop me from passing out on a really comfortable blow up mattress), but then I started being involved more with the family and I developed more comfort (and maybe a more tolerance to what I was allergic too). No, I didn't get the chance to snuggle with my girlfriend, but we managed to do a lot of things together: go to the movies, restaurants, picnics, etc. Unfortunately, my car couldn't handle all of the driving. At first, my car started pulling to the right; it almost felt like I had a flat tire on the right side, but I checked each tire's PSI and they all measured the standard 35 PSI. I thought...well shit, this can't be good if it's not the tires, but I kind of dropped it and decided to continue driving. Then, my car started having some engine trouble; I was in a similar situation a while back, and I have a feeling that I need to either replace my spark plugs or some wires are loose. If that's not the case, then I'm not sure what it is. All I know is that my car is slow and wants to stall (especially when it turns). All of these things indicate to me that I don't have the money to maintain a vehicle that is going to continue breaking down; if I plan on driving up to my girlfriend and THEN driving other places regardless of how much traffic, I need a car with better gas mileage. Therefore, I have deeply considered selling my car and buying a new one; this is where the HOPE scholarship comes in because the PLAN is to fix my (hopefully) minor issues with the car, wait till school starts, and use the rest of the Pell Grant money and the money from my car to buy a better car. At this point, I'm looking at anything and everything within 1,200-2,000 dollars on Craigslist. One guy offered 1,500 dollars for my car; but that was before my engine started having problems and I decided to delete my Craigslist post and wait till I'm ready to buy and sell.

My car was a large influence to me being upset; however, I also was upset because my girlfriend was going to Brazil. My girlfriend's plane ticket says that she'll spend 2 months in Brazil, but my girlfriend suggests that she'll be back in a month. The fee for traveling back early is around 300 dollars, which upsets me, but I would eventually get over myself to have my girlfriend back in my arms. My girlfriend has shown me how pathetic my life was before I met her; as you can imagine, I'm not too thrilled about living the same ol' boring life I did before I met her. I have her cell phone so I can still talk to her, and I can webcam chat with her online so it's not all totally bad, but I was never a sucker for online dating. Regardless, I love my girlfriend more than she could POSSIBLY imagine; therefore, I will wait as long as I have to to see her again. I'm just upset, that's all. So right now, I'm just playing games and saving up money for a new car. I hoped to have a new car by the time my girlfriend gets back, but I'm not sure if plans will work out like that. I've been looking on Craigslist, and if I see an offer that is too good to refuse, then I will definitely borrow all the money I can to pay for it. But for now, I'm stuck with my car. I fear that my steering is getting worse, and I feel that it's all a matter of time before something bad happens; however, I'm hoping that nothing bad happens and everything will work out better than expected.

My girlfriend made it to Brazil okay and she's spending time with family. It's all a patience game at the moment; until then, it's video games, working, and sleep. I guess I can suck it up.

When I was around 19 years old, I started to realize that getting laid wasn't very satisfying. The only reason why I wanted to get laid was because I felt that I couldn't get anything better; I wanted a real relationship but I eventually learned to settle for anything that I could get. Because I lost my virginity at the age of 18, I could've died and still feel like my life was complete. In reality, I was a little boy begging for something more because the truth was that I wasn't complete at all. It wasn't until around 19 years old when I realized that I wanted a real relationship because being in a relationship with someone who loves you is much more better than having sex with a woman who felt sexually attracted to you. Like Elton John, I wanted love.

I sat down one day and thought about the things I could do; you know, to take a step back and think about what I could do to get a girlfriend. I thought about all the self-help books I've read and my inability to get relationships, and it dawned on me that the only thing I could really do is focus on bettering myself; if I couldn't get a girlfriend, the least I could do is be productive and better myself instead of sit in my chair and contemplate suicide. Granted, I very often did contemplate suicide, and I even made plans to kill myself in the summer of 2011. I mention it in a poem on March 7th:

I thought of getting kicked out
and driving to higher elevation
so when I fall from the sky
the impact will be heard around the nation.

I'd be all over the news
because people pretend they care,
they'll question “why did this happen”
and say “life isn't fair.”

I thought about sight of my body
being torn into small pieces
that my death was so bad
that it even grosses out the police and

yet the impact was so sudden
that my heart instantly lost its beat,
and I'd wish I'd be there
seeing my skin being pulled off the seat.

Strangely enough, I didn't really feel depressed. I was more angry at myself and what life had to offer me; I stopped and asked "is this REALLY what life is all about?" Couldn't get a girlfriend, my grandmother was threatening to kick me out of the house, and I was just upset that nothing was really going the way I had planned. I was really letting myself down. The only way to deal with my problems would be to set them aside and focus on the things I could change; if I could lose weight and become more muscular, I'm sure that'd send some women my way. Maybe I could finally get a job, make some money, and feel more productive. I started working out and working, but I still didn't feel complete; my mind was pre-occupied with school, working out, and working that I kind of just dropped the whole "love and relationships" thing and said fuck it. As most of you know, or at least myself, I joined a dating service in a last attempt at getting a girlfriend; this gave me hope because people on the internet always told me I looked good in pictures, and I could tell women my personality. When I joined the site, I started getting like 10-20 visitors a week; according to some other members, that was pretty damn good. 

I've had a few messages here and there, a couple women wanting to chat some more, some even asking for a booty call, but no one I was really interested in dating. Eventually, I started talking to this woman who I found real interesting. When she'd come on, I'd always try and talk to her, but she didn't feel comfortable just yet after being in a relationship for two years; at the time, I didn't know and just thought that her life was busy. Eventually, we started talking more, and it's safe to say that we really hit it off. On April 28th, we had our first date and officially declared each other dating.

A lot of things have happened since then; afraid of losing her, I always try to do things that keep us occupied. We go out to dinner, go to the movies, go to parks for picnics, swim in rivers, watch movies, etc. There's never really a dull moment because we always try to have plans to do something; if we don't do something, we still have fun, but that risks doing sexual things (and we try our best to avoid a relationship that is solely based on sex). Because she's living with her best friend and her best friend's parents, we can't do the things we did back at her dorm; this is good news because it helps us keep under control. After realizing that having sex wasn't my thing, I've wanted our relationship to be based on emotion rather than physical. So far, our relationship is working out.

You never often hear me say the word "anniversary" when it pertains to me. The longest relationship I've ever had was 5 weeks, and I was young and didn't really know the concept of an anniversary. Now I do, and I have the opportunity to spend time with my girlfriend who has been my girlfriend for a month.

She gave me purpose in life; she knows this because I have said it time and time again. I hate saying it because it shows reliance. I will admit that I am putting a lot of faith in this woman and will be ultimately CRUSHED if she were to leave me. However, we both feel the same way so I'm not the only one worried here. Still, I love her very much; let's just put it that way and call it a day because I need to go to bed. For once in my life, I actually feel complete. Not only that, but I'm spending less time at home; this allows me to be away from all the drama in my life. Right now I'm questioning whether this is the real life or just fantasy...until I wake up at 9:00 AM for work today. Which reminds me that I need to go to sleep. Haha!

Baby, if you're reading this...I love you.

On March 18th, 2011 at 8:51 PM, I received a message from a member of the dating service that I go to. She commented on my profile and how I seem to be pretty cool. Unlike 99% of the people who have contacted me through the dating service, her and I continued to talk. Minute conversations started turning into hour long conversations; sometimes we would be unaware of the time because we really seemed to connect with each other. However, it wasn't until April 16th when we exchanged cell phone numbers; cell phone numbers may not seem like a big deal to most people, but I have had some bad experiences giving women I knew over the internet my cell phone number. Giving a woman my phone number, to me, means something. At that point in time, I definitely saw some potential in the woman because of how well we seemed to understand each other; having a conversation with her is like having a conversation with myself, it seemed. 

I really wanted to give this woman a chance; initially, we planned on going on a date after I finished my semester. At the time, it seemed like a logical choice because I would be allowed to focus on my school work and finish off strong; after all, this semester is the first time where I've went to school and worked at the same time so I haven't quite adjusted to my new schedule yet.

The more we talked, the more I couldn't wait. Being a realist, I feared that she would lose interest in me, become impatient, and perhaps lose hope. Deep down inside, no one really wants to wait for something that they feel has potential to be a great thing in their life. If you know you have a winning lottery ticket and have a chance to cash it in, you more than likely wouldn't wait till the last minute to cash it because the rewards are great. Not going on a date would not only deprive her, increase my chances of losing yet another opportunity to date someone, but it also deprived me. This deprivation caused a lot of anxiety because my consciousness says that being romantically involved with a woman is not a good thing because it would only result in losing motivation to study: for one thing, I wouldn't dedicate all my time to staying on top of school work because I'd also have to dedicate myself to the woman because the opportunity of having a long-term relationship is exactly what I've always wanted, and I wouldn't psychologically be ready to tackle school when my mind is pre-occupied. Having been single for such a long time, only managing to get laid instead of something I've truly wanted, I had a feeling that I would instantly fall for this woman, even if the date was completely awkward. I faced a problem, and I couldn't only make one choice:

Should I date this woman NOW, make sacrifices, but allow me to enter her life to increase my chances of becoming a boyfriend, or should I wait till the end school to pursue this woman that may very well be taken by someone else?

With my history, I couldn't take that risk. On April 24th, at 9:17 PM, I asked her if she was willing to go out on Thursday night. Because we were already planning on dating anyways, I knew that she was going to say yes; yet, my heart skipped a beat. Could this be my opportunity? Is this really happening? Not only is this woman beautiful, but this woman has my personality.

Within a four day period, we became very nervous. We would still continue talking, but we gradually worked our way to the point that we couldn't breathe; I couldn't breathe. Here I was, sitting in parking lot at 7:00 PM on a quiet Thursday night, chewing several packs of Juicy Fruit gum at once, going to the bathroom twice in a 10 minute period, and looking out for a blue Honda. It wasn't until the 2nd time I came back from the bathroom when I saw the blue Honda stop by my car, around 7:12 PM on April 28th, and out stepped the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Not only was she just like I imagined in her pictures, but knowing that her and I click made that physical attraction melt through the roof of my mind. A rush of emotions entered my consciousness, but I knew that we were going to have a good time; I had a good feeling.

How was the date, you ask? Was it awkward? All right? Good? Great? Outstanding? No. Her and I referred to our first date as "perfect." Truthfully, it went a lot better than expected; there was still periods of awkwardness, but we mostly were able to be ourselves and really managed to enjoy our time together.

The first thing we did was play bowling; originally I thought that I had underestimated her bowling skills, but I was under the impression that she bowled 200's. However, there could've been many reasons why she managed to lose both games, but the scores didn't really matter. We both had a good feeling of each other, and we were looking forward to the rest of the night. I, especially, was looking forward to laser tag because I thought that laser tag was a great way to start a fire, for us to really get comfortable with each other, and to have a great time as well.

Before the game started, her and I pretended to be police officers with our fake laser guns, and we were already in the mood for having a good time. At one point, we met each other in the arena and I considered kissing her. It was an awkward moment because she was anticipating to be kissed, and so was I; however, when I managed to get up close and personal, I just shook her playfully and ran off in the distance to avoid getting shot by her again (I take laser tag too seriously).

Afterwards, we munch on some fries and share a large Coke and talked about a variety of different things until it was past closing time. Having no where else to go, we decided to head back to her dorm to continue our conversation. Although society typically associates going back to the dorm as engaging in sex, I truly wanted to sit down on the couch with her and talk until I was exhausted. To avoid sex, we first went into the study rooms; however, those rooms were very silent, very awkward, and we were not very close to each other. When she wanted to go into her dorm, I knew that I had an opportunity to plant a kiss on her that she would never forget. I first asked if she wanted to sit closer to me on the couch, and happily accepting, I scooted closer to her and put my arm around her shoulder. When the moment was right, I raised her chin with my fingers, and we kissed. 

After that point, we talked until the end of the night; it wasn't until 1:15 AM when I decided to travel another 30-40 minutes back to my house because I had essays to write and only a limited amount of time to do them.

Ever since then, we've been talking constantly. We planned our second date to be the next Thursday, but we literally couldn't wait that long. For our second date, we walked around her campus's lake, ate smoothies, and spent most of the time in her dorm watching a couple movies that I managed to get on DVD. After Wrongfully Accused, the first movie we watched, we headed towards the mall to get a few things (I almost lost my cell phone in the men's restroom; that was an awkward experience), and then went back to watch the second movie.

It's safe to say that I enjoy being romantic with her; we've kissed a lot of times and spent most of the second movie looking into each other's eyes. When I look at her, I can't help but think about how lucky I am to have a girlfriend like her; smart, beautiful, funny, capable of being romantic, and just being similar to me. When I look into her eyes, I see a woman that I'm willing to date for as long as I possibly can. Towards the end of the night, it was getting late and I was getting exhausted; I didn't want to leave because I feared that I'd risk getting into a car accident on the highway. It wasn't just 4 days before I was traveling on the highway at 1:30 in the morning, swerving in and out of lanes, not conscious of my surroundings (it's a miracle I managed to drive through downtown Atlanta). I didn't want to do that again, and so we ended up settling on sleeping together. No sexual contact; just nothing but snuggling and sleeping.

I never managed to get sleep; however, it was because of too many reasons. The main reason why I couldn't sleep is because I was too happy. Feeling her breath on my skin and her lips within inches of mine made me feel like the luckiest guy alive. Though I'm tired as shit (and I'm gonna take a nap after this), she consumed my mind that night and the only thing I could do was kiss her while she was sleeping.

I also managed to tell her that I love her because saying that is typically a difficult thing to do. But I truly can't get her out of my mind. She is the only thing I think about, and when I close my eyes...I imagine kissing her. I love her so much that it's grossly corny. She knows this. We know this.

Before I started dating her, I had a good feeling about our relationship; things haven't changed. I hope that she will be mine for as long as possible. I don't want things to end. I never have, and never will. She's an amazing woman, and I wouldn't change a single thing about her.

I love her too much.

Last night, I went to sleep with a runny nose; I fell asleep with toilet paper shoved up my nose, and I woke up without being able to find the toilet paper. I've been having to rely on Tylonel PM lately because I've been having some trouble sleeping. Perhaps I have too much on my mind, but it's not very common anymore for me to wake up from an alarm clock. Sometimes I wake up a couple hours before my alarm clock goes off and I have to force myself to go back to sleep. I don't feel like I've got a lot on my mind, and I don't think that I've gotten too much sleep either. The only belief that I have is that I'm too stressed out about adjusting to my new life as someone who works and goes to school at the same time. However, I've been adapting better than I expected and perhaps I've been pushing myself too hard to adjust. I no longer think about playing video games but I am solely concerned about important school stuff going on; I just got finished with a math project (which I feel that I did really well), and I have a Sociology research paper that's due on Wednesday before class (though technically it's due on Monday but the teacher is allowing us an extra day before he starts counting off points for being late). I have until Wednesday to finish the 5-page research paper on social problems (which really isn't that bad but I have to spend a lot of time doing research and finding information to use for my paper...writing 5 pages is the easy part). As you can imagine, I've been having to plan my schedule accordingly and when my plans don't work out like expected, I start to feel unaccomplished. Now that I think of it, I'm pretty sure that's why I've been having trouble sleeping because I haven't relaxed psychologically.

My schedule could be a LOT worse though considering the fact that I've only worked about 14-15 hours so far. For the most part, I've been going to work at 7 PM to 11 PM; 11 PM is late but it's rather not that bad. I'll explain why:

Before 7:00 PM, I can get some things accomplished and I can take a nap. Typically, I take a nap at 5 PM and start getting ready for work at 6. My job is, literally, five minutes away, so I can take a shower, shave, eat something, get dressed, and leave.

At work, 7 PM - 9:30 PM is the toughest time for an inexperienced bagger. This is when customers get off work and spend some time stocking up at the grocery stores. For small amounts of items, I have no problems bagging because I have enough time to adequately separate the products and put them in plastic bags. But for larger amounts of items, it takes me a little while to bag items. Sometimes customers have to wait a minute after paying for me to finish bagging the items; I work as fast as I can, almost to the point of sweating, but I can't rush too much or else I'll bag items that don't need to be bagged together, and I'll over look an item and forget to put it in their cart. So far, I've only made one mistake of leaving behind a can of green beans. 

After 9:30 PM, it starts to slow down; I still have to bag large orders from time to time, but I have more of a chance to take a breather and relax between customers. If I like the cashier I'm working with, I like to chat with them (I chat with them regardless though). I'm not sure if all the cashiers like me yet; sometimes it does feel awkward when we have nothing to talk about, but a couple cashiers have told secrets about other people. One woman even told me she doesn't like working with someone because of their lack of obedience. I suppose I'm good to work with because I follow orders and don't really complain. So far, I'm on people's good sides and that's where I plan to stay for as long as possible.

I got the job sooner than I expected. According to my grandmother, it was only supposed to be a summer job but now that I'm settled in and making money on the side, I plan on keeping the job for as long as I can. Working and going to school makes me feel better because at least I'm being productive.

That also reminds me that I went to my counselor, but I'll talk more about that in my next entry. I don't feel like typing anymore.

Couple things I'd like to mention to my blog.

Around Thursday afternoon, I washed my car (as you can tell in my picture). Whenever I wash my car, I always think about the first time I washed my car. For a long period of time, I went without washing my car. Dirt started to be collected on my car, and I thought that the dirt was actually rust and I couldn't do anything about it. It took a lot of motivation to wash my car because I didn't think it would do much good. However, I slowly learned that most of the "rust" was actually dirt, and I was amazed how much better my car looked. Besides the damages and whatnot, the car looks really good. For some reason, I take a lot of joy out of cleaning my car because I feel a connection; it's like the relationship between a grandmother and her dog. A dog is a man's best friend because, well, it's not like they disagree with anything you have to say. Unless you abuse it, a dog will love you unconditionally. The same applies to my car. A lot of money has been invested in the car, but I feel that it's done a lot of good things for me. I feel that because I treat it with kindness, it treats me with kindness as well. I honestly do feel like I underestimate how bad of a condition my car actually is. I feel that if I didn't treat it very nicely, the car would ultimately stop working. I love my car very much; it takes me from point A to B in style, and it holds a lot of sentimental value to me. Before I owned the car, I was the passenger and my mom was the driver. Things have certainly changed.

Anyways to make a long story short, I got the job at Krogers. After patiently waiting for a couple weeks, I finally got hired as a bagger. I start tomorrow.     

I have a headache and REALLY don't feel like doing an entry right now, but I won't be doing anymore entries for a while because I'll be busy doing school work. Last week, I just got done with a 12 page English project (which I got a 95 on) and an English test afterwards (which I won't know till Monday...but I'm guessing that I got an A). Now that those two are done, I gotta worry about another Calculus project (which might not be as bad as my first project because it'll require some research), and a research paper on a social problem in Sociology II. I also have a test in Sociology and Calculus; but I'm not worried about my Sociology because I got an 84 on my last test without studying. Even though I got a lot on my plate, I trust that I'll turn things on time. On my 12 page research paper I did in English, I told myself that I trust myself and I am willing to wait till I was ready to start. So I waited until I decided to get down to business and ended up writing 12 pages instead of the minimum requirement of 6 pages. You read correctly, I wrote 6 more pages than required.

As I mentioned in the title, this entry is going to be rather quite long so I'm going to something entertaining: I just finished building my first model car. On my birthday, I received gift cards, money, a jack for my car, and a '67 Mustang Fastback 1:24 model. My intention for building a model car was to develop a new hobby; but after I completed the model car in three days, I really don't think it'll be something to keep me occupied. it's also a pretty expensive habit, and not knowing whether I'll get the job at Krogers...I really don't want to spend money that I'm not sure I'll earn it back in time for when I need it. Since I eventually received my Kodak ZI8 HD camera in the mail, I've managed to take over 30 pictures of the progress on the model car (not extensive but you get the idea of what all that I did).

A couple days before my birthday, I learned something about myself that really helps me understand who I am. I consulted with a forum that I've been a member of since 2005 about some problems I've been experiencing in life, and people told me that I may be a realist. It's funny that they mention that I'm a realist because I've learned about realism in my English class before they even mentioned it. Realist people think objectively; they are neither pessimistic or optimistic, but they see the world as it is. I'm not proud of being a realist; I wish I could be optimistic about the world. I would certainly be much more happier if I was optimistic about things, but I believe that my mind is largely influenced by realism. That explains why I'm not optimistic about marriage, or why I didn't cry when I was told that my grandmother's dog died. 

Perhaps I wasn't always a realist; maybe I'm a realist because it's my way of coping with reality. Who knows! But I believe that knowing this information will make me feel a lot better about myself because I used to believe I was just pessimistic because I was going through shit. Then I realized that I've been thinking pessimistic thoughts even BEFORE I was going through shit. Now that I realize that I think objectively (for the most part unless my emotions get the best of me), it helps me understand why I've made certain decisions. That day I had my first accident, all that could've been prevented. Before I hit my brakes, I made a decision to hit the car even though I could've avoided hitting the BMW and swerve into a street but I didn't because school kids were walking along the streets and I didn't want to put a child's life in jeopardy. It was a stupid decision because I could've avoided hitting the BMW, but I hit the BMW because I thought it was the right thing to do. It wasn't because I had no other choice because I had to make a decision even before I stepped on the brakes. During the time, I thought that hitting the BMW was the right decision. I was upset, logically, because two months earlier I explained to my sister that I wouldn't get into a car accident. If I was as a responsible driver as I thought I was, I could've prevented the accident. 

When I realized I was a realist, I wanted to call off my birthday; especially when my grandmother threatened to never cook food for my dad and me again. If she wasn't going to cook food for me, I don't think she should cook food on my birthday because that would promote a "fake behavior." I was really upset the day before my birthday because I was sick of all the threats that my grandmother was making. I don't like to be told that I'm going to get kicked out of the house; I've been told that for a year or two and I don't think something like that should be taken lightly. That's one of the main reasons why I started looking for a job anyways because I'm more concerned about my education at this point. I could move in with David, but David and I both know that it wouldn't work out too well; his girlfriend hates me, I dislike her, and essentially it'd get to the point where David would kick me out and I'd have no where else to go. This may be a dark and depressing thought, but I will never become homeless because the day I lose everything is the day I will take my own life. Hearing my grandmother talk about kicking me out is literally a matter of life and death. As you can imagine, those threats are more serious than she thinks. I don't want to die, but I truly believe that I would kill myself before I'd become homeless. Some good news though is that my grandmother and I talked and she apologized after I told her to call off the birthday because I don't want her to cook for me when she doesn't want to, and she said that she's not going to kick me out until I get an education. However, at this point, I could be in school for several years. Next Thursday, I scheduled an appointment at 11:00 AM to visit my counselor about taking a career assessment test. Hopefully after that point, I'll have a better idea of what I want to do with my life. If not, it was worth a try...right? At least I'm putting forth more effort into making a decision. I also found out that I need 60 credit hours to enroll in their TAG program; which allows a student to get a guaranteed admission into a certain university. I have no idea how many credits I have, but I know that I'll need to be going to GPC a couple more times taking science classes and shit that I really don't want to take (I hate Science...if you can't tell). I like Sociology, but I hate science.  

Even if I could transfer, I'm not sure I'd have enough money to attend a university. HOPE scholarship requirements got changed to the point that it'll affect me. With a 3.0 GPA, I'll only be able to get 90% of my tuition covered (which may seem like no big deal but 10% can be a lot when you attend universities that cost tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars. If I stay at GPC, all my tuition should be paid for but I'd be getting less money from financial aid (which I can't really complain because I'm given free money from tax payers so any money is good). If I didn't get money from my school, I wouldn't have the luxury of driving my car because I wouldn't have car insurance. I also wouldn't have a new computer, new cell phone, Zune, watch, etc. So hey...1,000 dollars, 2,000 dollars...any amount helps. That's not an optimistic point of view; that's an observational point of view. Ya see?!

There's other things that I could talk about, but I'll hold off on them. The last thing I'll add before I leave the rest to pictures of my model car is that I took the drug test last week so there's a good chance I'll get hired. Hopefully I do because that'll help prevent my grandmother from kicking me out of the house, it'll give me an opportunity to earn some money (so I can finally afford to sell my car and get a manual instead with better gas mileage). I'm afraid it'll affect my grades, but I should be focused on GETTING the job first. I probably won't know what's gonna happen till Monday. 

Anyways, that's all for now. Enjoy the pictures.

Sometime in July, my Xanga will turn 7 years old. It's safe to say that I've posted a lot of entries over the past years, and I've been trying to read some of my old entries that date back to when I was 14 years old. During those times, I was imagining what I would look like as an adult, and I was afraid of high school. At that point of time, I didn't even believe I would live long enough to go to college. Now I'm turning 21 in less than 4 days. I've had this Xanga for a long time, and based on older entries...I've threatened to delete my Xanga. There's been times where I was on the brink of deleting my Xanga, and there's been times where I've been so satisfied with my Xanga that I spent 100 dollars to support the website and to be able to back up my old files.

7 years is a long time. A lot of things can happen in 7 years, and a lot of things have happened.

What amazes me is how I've been able to keep the same Xanga account for a long time because I have a habit of not being able to keep the same account for other websites:

1. I've got about three e-mail addresses I use on a regular basis (Craigslist e-mail, school e-mail, and personal e-mail), but I've created so many personal e-mails that I can't even remember one of them.
2. I've got about four Youtube accounts, excluding the ones that I've effectively deleted. Looking through my Xanga, I even managed to find my first Youtube account that I never deleted! Imagine that!

I use my Craigslist e-mail for signing up for different websites that usually send me e-mails that I don't care about. As you can imagine, I very rarely check that e-mail address because I never find anything interesting. However, because I have a few Craigslist ads up, including the air guitar that I'm selling, I do have to check it more often. I use that e-mail address for a variety of websites, but the one I'm going to discuss about now is for a dating service.

Yes...I have signed up for a free dating service. And you know...I'm actually kind of proud of myself to be able to do something that people find desperate. You could consider signing up for a dating service as an act of desperation, but I don't really look at it like that. Y' see, I believe that meeting people on dating services is the same concept (with a few variations) as meeting people in real life. Think about it:

1. You approach someone you find physically attractive, or someone approaches you.
2. You talk to them and see if you're interested in the person. If you aren't, you avoid talking to them. If you are, you continue talking to them. 
3. You go on dates
4. etc

The only major difference is that you talk to the person in reality, but that's not always a good thing. On a dating service, you don't see them in person but you also get more detailed in their personality. Am I ashamed for focusing more on a woman's personality than looks? Nope. I believe that using a dating service is a smarter approach as you are more likely to find a woman who has similar interests looking on a wider scale. You're broadening your horizons. I consider a dating service to be a treasure finder in the occupation of a treasure hunter. You can rely on your senses to discover treasure, but it isn't always more effective than using a treasure finder. Some people just get lucky.

If someone were to tell me that using a dating service to find "love" is desperate, I would disagree because some people just aren't as lucky as others. Sometimes, people are at the right place at the right time and relationships just sort of happen. But you have to keep in mind that I've been single for several years now, and I got to the point where I didn't think I was ever going to get into a relationship again. I simply used people for sex because I felt that sex was the only thing I could get (which is weird because if I had success getting sex, then why couldn't I have success in getting a relationship)? None of it made sense.

And I tend to think that joining a dating service did some good emotionally. I didn't feel very confident in myself and being single really brings a guy down. Is it desperate? I don't see why it would matter. Some people are more fortunate than other people, and sometimes you have to use what you can to make the best out of the situation. I

In the words of Metallica, "so what?" It doesn't matter!

I've been talking to a few people on the dating service, and I average about 25 visitors a week. I don't know if that's good, but I managed to get an e-mail from the dating service about something interesting that sorta boosted my self-esteem:

"Go ask an ugly friend and see." What a nice way to end a professional e-mail like that.

It's funny how much different people treat you on the internet than in real life. If I was "good-looking," you would imagine that I'd probably have a relationship right now or a woman who is romantically interested in me. To my knowledge, that's not the case. However, not only am I attractive online, but I deserve women who are physically attractive as well. Even though I'm not too happy about the last line, it does kind of boost my spirits.

Things are starting to look up, though. Yesterday or two days ago, I applied for four different jobs and already heard back from someone. My old job, Krogers, asked for an interview on Tuesday. Not sure what they want me to do, but this is my golden opportunity to make a difference in my life. Working part time and going to College will be hectic as I'm not used to putting forth that much effort in a single day, but I hope that it goes better than expected. I really need a job so I can satisfy my grandmother (so I won't have to worry about getting kicked out the house), I can make some money on the side, I can better my social skills and general work ethic, and I can feel more accomplished. I was depressed about not doing anything with my life, but if I'm able to get this job...I'll certainly try to do my best so I can better my resume and income.

However, I feel that my GPA will suffer. I'm making A's and B's now, but I don't know whether I will find enough time to study. I know that I'll have to make sacrifices and I plan on canceling my gold membership to Xbox Live, packing up my Xbox 360 and storing it in the closet, and focus on the more important things in life. After all, I am turning 21 and don't have anything to show for it.

Hopefully things work out. With that being said, I might not type an entry for a couple days or so. I've got another English test on Wednesday, which I'm not too worried about since I got some time to study tomorrow and Tuesday. Over the weekend, I might have a job by then. We shall see.

It's bloggin' time.

Last weekend was pretty hectic. No, scratch that. Before I turned in my English project, everything went according to plan. I was pre-occupied during the weekend and didn't really have a whole lot of time to enjoy myself, but I stayed on schedule and things worked out pretty well. Actually, things worked out really well. Allow me to describe the project (if I haven't already...which I hope not).

The requirements seem easy enough. It was an annotated bibliography project, and we had to write papers on four articles on four different literary authors. With a total of 8, I picked out ones that seemed to have the most information: Moliere, Swift, Tolstoy, and Voltaire.

• For Moliere, I concentrated on Tartuffe; a play about religious hypocrisy. The article was about "Law and Order in the Seventeenth Century." It was very boring, but it was the only article that made sense to me. This was the first article that I wrote about because I'd figure I'd knock out the ones with the most information first.
• For Swift, I concentrated on A Modest Proposal; an essay about the promotion of cannibalism as a solution to the problem with Ireland's failed economy.
• I then focused on Voltaire's Candide because I didn't think it would be a considerably easy essay to write. However, I managed to find a decent article and didn't have much of a problem.

I saved Tolstoy for last. A piece that I wrote on was The Death of Ivan Ilyich, which is a story about a man dying. It's a very philosophical story. The night before I started working on the essay, I could just tell by reading the first page of the article that it was going to be a really fun essay.

Normally I don't enjoy writing essays, but considering I only had one essay left, I was on schedule, and I was doing an essay on something interesting, I really took the time to enjoy it. You might ask...well, who is Tolstoy? I can't really tell you much, but I can tell you that he influenced Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. from his philosophy on life and death.

Tolstoy basically believed that if you don't love the people close to you, you're living a false life. You don't realize you're living a false life until you're at the point of death. People who don't love the people around them dies a painful death, while people who are "close to nature" and love other people die peacefully. I won't go into much detail about him though; I could write a 3-4 page paper about him...and I did.

Finishing the project was the greatest feeling. Printing up all those sheets of paper, putting them into a folder, and setting it into my book bag made me feel really accomplished. And it wasn't exactly late at night either. It was around 11:30 when I finished my project completely. 

As you can imagine, I felt pretty good about walking to English class on Wednesday. A lot of people were waiting by the door, many looked exhausted; one guy said he stayed up till 3 AM to finish the project. People kept going around and answering how many pages they wrote for the project and I've heard a variety of answers. The minimum was at LEAST 1.5 pages for each article; that means that people had to have at LEAST 6 pages total to get a passing grade (but I'm not completely sure on what's going to happen). Some people said they only wrote 4 pages, some people 6 pages, one person 2 pages, and one person 9 pages. The person who typed 9 pages felt pretty proud of herself, kind of flaunted it around a little bit. She then asked me. What did I say?

12. That's right. This guy typed 12 pages; quite possibly the most pages in the class. However, I'm not too excited because the more you type, the more chance you have at accidentally plagiarizing material. I'm eager to find out what happens. My teacher said not to worry about plagiarism because she's only had minor cases, but that didn't really cheer me up. Even though I started to get worried, I enjoyed not having to do a project after class. 

I waited for my Sociology class, and I was really excited about it too because I missed the last two classes because I had to visit my English professor at her office. Now that I think of it...I still could've went to Sociology class and dropped by her office. Anyways, I guess I didn't want to go to Sociology for the past two days.

I get to class on time after using the restroom, and the teacher looks super confused. What ended up happening was the Sociology teacher said that he didn't "feel a connection" and dismissed class because he was out of it. I basically waited for no reason, but I was happy to go home early and enjoy a peaceful day without doing a project.

Considering the fact that I withdrew from my Macroeconomics class, I only had one class on Thursday and I was anticipating to get a product in the mail that I've waited for 3-4 days. I bought this product on Amazon for about 100 bucks and it's been something I've been wanting to buy for a long time. What is it, you ask?

A Kodak ZI8 HD video camera. I was going to get a FLIP camera, but I heard that a FLIP wasn't true HD and couldn't record in 1080P. The first thing I noticed about the Kodak was the lack of internal memory. Within about 10 seconds of recording, I ran out of memory. So I also ordered an 8 GB SDHC card for my ZI8 so I can record longer videos. I was going to get 16 GB, but I think that being able to record 80 minutes is plenty of video and I don't think the battery power is capable of recording that long anyways. It's very lightweight and can fit in my pocket. I'm pretty excited, though I'm not sure when I'll receive my SDHC card.

I'm exhausted now, and the weekend is here. I got some things to do, but now that I have the project over with...it's smooth sailing until something else pops up.

My birthday is coming up, and I'm going to delete my Facebook before my birthday comes along. I don't like when people say happy birthday just because my Facebook tells them my birthday is today. Last month, I changed my birthday. Even one of my aunts thought it was my birthday. So I will have none of that this year. I'll be turning 21, and I'm not looking forward to it. 

I could just summarize everything up, but you know how I blog -- I don't like to just summarize shit, I like to take honest time to talk about recent events. The more detail the better. However, this is a very interesting entry as it's not horribly bad but really makes you think about why humans are evil.

About a year ago, I started parking my car on my neighbor's driveway. The last time I remember anyone being at that house was when I saw people packing things into moving vans. I didn't grow any concern because I figured someone grew up in the household, has a new place, and decided to move out. I didn't think the whole FAMILY was moving.

I don't know any details; all I know is that the house remained empty for a long period of time before I started parking my car there. The house was simply unoccupied for about a year, which is good for me because I could get my car off the street and into someone's driveway. My car has been hit while parked, and I'm sure that someone is just going to hit it again.

That's probably a pessimistic point of view, but it's only the truth. You have to acknowledge the possibility that shit happens. Humans are evil. If someone accidentally takes up two parking spaces, does that justify "accidentally" bumping into their car? I've seen it on several occasions of people hitting people's cars, and not only are they aware of what they are doing, but even after I report it...no one does anything about it! People get so upset over a parking spot, and people claim that the people who take up two parking spots think they're more important than everybody else, but imagine how you would feel if your car was scratched up? What gives them the authority to get away with something like that? 

I'm by no means perfect, but when it comes to parking spots, I tend to ignore the close parking spots when it's my car. I'd rather not cram my tank into a parking spot and risk hitting someone else's car with my door and vice versa. I've personally seen what people do to other cars and it's just not very nice. If you think I'm Mr. Goody-two shorts, you'll have your revenge on me in a second. Let me continue with the story.

So I got used to parking in the driveway. It became my driveway and even though I wasn't really concerned about hitting my car (unless they were unbelievably retarded and somehow manage to lose control of a car going 25-30 miles an hour), I was concerned about what would happen if the people get back. I could imagine it now...*cuts to a dream.*

"Man, I haven't been at our house in ages. Finally get to...is that a car in our driveway?"
-gets out of the car, opens up the trunk and pulls out a baseball bat.-

Or I wake up with a cop circling my car, I grab the keys and bolt towards the car to move it. The cop sees me running towards him, pulls out his pistol and yells "STOP WHERE YOU ARE! DON'T MOVE A MUSCLE!" And when I try to explain, I get shot twice in the chest.

One day, I got a little too comfortable and got caught off guard. A couple police cars and white vans were parked on the street, and several men were walking past my car. Without hesitation, I grabbed my keys and bolted out the door with the expectation of getting shot.

As I was rushing down the driveway, I could hear one of the men say "there he is." When I got to my car, a police officer was looking at me while several men were opening the garage door. He asked me about the people who lived here if I knew anything about their disappearance. Out of breath and fear, I told him that I saw them leave about a year ago and haven't seen them since so I parked my car on the driveway. I then moved my car back to its original spot...on the street.

The house was getting evicted, and what makes everything more stranger is what the family left behind. Books, documents, used checks, trophies, guns, furniture, knives, binoculars, lamps, fans, tools, and just a lot of stuff that would make their disappearance even more strange. 

Let me just explain now that I am not much of a shopper. I can't even last 5 minutes in the mall by myself, and even if I do...I don't visit stores, I head directly to Gamestop, and walk around like a cool kid. But there's only two kinds of shopping that I thoroughly enjoy: 

1) Online shopping for technology
2) Getting people's stuff from evicted houses.

That day was one of those occasions where I enjoy it more than the other. The main reason why I enjoy taking people's stuff at evictions is because it's free. Because they left so much stuff, I essentially hit a jackpot and had a wide selection of things to get...for free.

So for some odd reason, a family decides to leave, and for some reason, they can't pay the bills to the house and their house ends up getting evicted. I'm not completely evil, but I think that we are evil to an extent when we take joy out of taking other people's stuff. My family and other neighbors thoroughly checked for things, and we didn't really know them but it resulted in a bond. We made compromises by calling dibs, and we laughed or got excited about the things the other family found. We were scavengers taking someone else's stuff. Nice stuff, I might add. Who wouldn't take someone else's stuff legally? Besides, the forecast suggested it was going to rain the next day so it would only make sense to take the important stuff anyways.

So if you're wondering what all we got, I'll tell you:

When I looked at that piece of furniture on the grass, I knew what I could use it for. It fits great on my dresser, even matches my dresser color (almost), and it keeps my model cars safe from the little kids. Every time my cousin comes over, he asks if he could play with my model cars. I tell him no because when I was his age, I played with my model cars too. That's why the rest of them are broken and dusty.

An office chair. Considerably more comfortable than my wooden chair that's used for a kitchen table.

Some other stuff that I got:

- a knife
- a movie projector (not worth a lot of money)
- binoculars
- a fan
- two lamps
- and...brace yourself, A GUN!

It was a high-powered .30 Remington Rifle that's no longer in my possession. I called the police the same day when I found it. My drunk grandmother was NOT happy because they didn't give me a reward for turning it in or nothing. I didn't really care. Why would I need a gun? It's a high-powered rifle, so it's not for self defense otherwise that'd be retarded. I don't shoot squirrels anymore with BB guns, and I wouldn't kill them with a high powered rifle because, quite frankly, that'd probably scare the neighbors and knowing my lack of aim, I'd probably kill someone. And besides, considering my state of mind a couple weeks ago, you don't want me anywhere near a gun. I mostly turned the gun in for my protection; let's just put it that way. 

In other news, I'm buying a Kodak ZI8 HD pocket camera. Supposedly shoots up to true 1080p but I'm content with 720p at 60 FPS (if possible). When I get it, I'll definitely test it out by walking around the house and shit.

I'm also on schedule with my project. I'm halfway done and I have 3 days till I have to turn it in. It's good to be on schedule.

Anyways, things are going okay. My grandmother is still upset that her dog died, but I'm slowly moving on and I'm going back to my original state. It was a bumpy ride though. Take care.