I haven't done an entry in a couple months. Stop whining! It'll be okay. Especially since this might be a long entry since...shit kind of happens sometimes and it's been a couple months.

Well, where to start? I guess we'll start with certain events that have lead up to this present moment. They are rather depressing, but I feel that they are necessary to blog about. After all, blogging is about talking about our lives.

Unfortunately, the first event is the most depressing event and therefore the most important.

Around 7:00 PM, my dad got a phone call from one of my aunts in North Carolina. It was on his cell phone so I wasn't aware at the time, and I was probably oblivious to reality by playing computer games. Even if my house caught on fire, I probably wouldn't be able to tell till I was on fire since I usually have headphones one since they are the only speakers that are fully function-able.

I heard my dad talking to someone very faintly and there was a brief moment of silence until I could hear my dad crying. His crying sounded very fake, and I figured that my sister was making fun of him on the phone, calling him "fat" and "bald", but the crying lasted for an abnormally long time. In about 10 seconds of crying, I became concerned about what was really going on so I got up from my chair and noticed my dad standing in the doorway. My dad was most definitely crying, and he barely made out the words that our family dog has died by getting hit by a car.

Considering his small and innocent size, he didn't have a chance. Even if it was a motorcycle, he probably would've died on impact. Considering the circumstances, he wasn't that bad off:

1) He was having a good time, running around, and probably was oblivious to what was going on so he didn't see it coming.

2) He was small, so he was probably died on impact if he was ran over by a car.

At the time, it wasn't really the fact that the family dog died that made me upset, it was the fact that my grandmother had such an emotional attachment to it. That is a very...VERY...big problem. Allow me to explain:

My grandmother likes to be in charge of people. My dad and her have had a number of arguments about who gets to have authority over me. After all, I live with my dad but HE lives with his parents so there's a question of authority over me. If I do something wrong, or fail to do something, my grandmother usually has to run it by my dad because he's the one who decides the consequences. Both my grandmother and dad are power hungry, so you can imagine that no compromises are made and everyone is just as upset the argument: I'm upset because I have to hear the argument and they take it out on me, my dad gets upset because his mom doesn't really care what he has to say, and my grandmother gets upset because no one will agree with her. Essentially, everyone loses. The arguments are pointless; my grandmother has even resulted in tears because of my failure to cooperate and do things around the house. She argues that she's getting old and that she needs help, and I respond back saying that I can't just do everything around the house because I don't know what everything is. If she wanted me to do something, I'm capable of doing something -- no one just bothers to ask and leaves it up to me to do it on my own.

As you can imagine, now that her dog has died, things can potentially get worse.

She's made threats to kick my dad and I out of the house, but she's never followed through with it because it would break her heart if I left (which I've personally witnessed after temporarily moving to Texas). Now, she's potentially became more of an alcoholic due to her grief, and a rise in frustration. And to make matters worse...she's coming home tomorrow, and I fully expect her to enforce living habits (such as getting a job, following orders, keeping everything cleaned, etc) or getting kicked out the house. I'm not going to say she's not entitled to do that, and I'm not saying that it's unreasonable. I'm 20 years old; I'm expected to grow up at this point and financially be able to support myself on my own, but I'm no where to being close to that point. 

So because the dog died, I run the risk of getting kicked out the house.

Normally, it wouldn't be a problem because I could spend 100 dollars on gas and travel to Texas to live with my best friend again, but him and I are not on the same page. Ever since he dedicated himself to a girlfriend, he's lost interest in spending time with me so our friendship is slowly deteriorating. So if I were to get kicked out, I would essentially become homeless. 

However, because the dog died really fucked me up psychologically. I was already upset with my life as it was, and having the dog die pretty much resulted in me hitting rock bottom. I was more upset than I thought, even if I never cried at any point during that day. I could hardly pay attention in school, let alone go to both classes. I wrote a lot of poetry for the next couple weeks, I contemplated suicide, started writing a suicide note and everything. 

I'm back to where I was before, not significantly better but don't plan on driving over a cliff anytime soon.

And I realize I didn't type everything that went on in this entry and that's because I'm tired. Suck it up.  

I realize that my entries have been mostly about my goals for 2011 and the emotions and thoughts with *trying* to make some changes. I'm going to try and stop making those entries as much as possible. For now, let me draw your attention to a different story: my first day of...5th semester of College? I forget.

Technically, I'm not supposed to be going to GPC another semester because I have more than 30 credit hours. I'm supposed to transfer to a 4-year school, but I'm still unsure of what I want to do with my life. It kind of scares me that I still haven't realized what I want to do with my life. I've taken some legit personality and career assessment tests, maybe not for a long period of time, but nothing really tickles my fancy. My thoughts are very conflicting because I don't want to become homeless, but I also don't have a future in mind. To be quite honest, I have more thoughts of suicide than I do thoughts. I don't really consider myself depressed because I don't feel depressed. The only emotion I really feel is confusion and boredom. But now that I'm enrolled in 12 hours of class, I'll be keeping myself pre-occupied. I plan to do better in school, to focus on making the best GPA that I possibly can, but I've said that since my first semester of college. 

This semester is definitely going to mark another change in my life because I'm at the point where I don't have much of a choice on transferring to a University. If I can be provided financial AID and the HOPE scholarship, then money wouldn't really be an issue...it's the fact that I'd be going into a University without a clear understanding of what I wanted to work towards. Taking a bunch of random classes that could potentially have nothing to do with my future major could not only waste time, but waste money. The only options that I have is:

1. Sign up for a University under the assumption that I won't have a declared major. Or
2. Not go to school at all, forget the material, somehow find a job, and slowly lose motivation to go to school at all. 

I'm also beginning to believe that maybe I really do know what I want to do, but I don't want to put forth any effort into it so my mind just blocks it out. Maybe I'm just in denial. Or maybe I just don't know what kind of careers are out there and I'm not educated enough to make a decision on what I want to do. 

BUT...for now, I'm taking 12 hours of classes this semester (Spring 2011 semester). 

I would've typed up an entry a week ago, but the weather decided for Georgia to get a snowstorm. The last snowstorm, that I can recall, was in 1993 (when I was 3 years old). If you've read my last three entries, you'll see pictures of how much snow we got. Georgia was in a "state of emergency" for an entire week and therefore colleges and universities had to close down the schools. Even if the schools were open, there wouldn't be a lot of people who would risk getting in an accident just to attend class. My parents didn't want me to go even if school wasn't cancelled. I received automated messages from my college every...single...day from Sunday night to Friday night. Now that the roads aren't icy anymore and the road conditions are safe, school has started back.

And I'm actually excited because, like I mentioned earlier, I was really bored during winter break. It was also a tough break for me because the people I spent time with have pretty much went their separate ways. We didn't hang out at all during the whole break, and those were my limited number of real friends that I've known since the beginning of high school. So now, not only do I not have any friends that I hang out with, but I essentially have very few people to talk to. I try to call David every now and then but it usually results in awkwardly silent conversations and we're not on the phone but only for a small period of time. It used to be that I could spend 30+ minutes on the phone with him, but now things have really changed ever since I visited David for a month and pissed off his girlfriend. It sucks when your best friend doesn't approve of your girlfriend; I never had any reason to approve of her. Regardless of her being David's girlfriend, which I respect and won't try and get involved, there is no reason why I should approve of her. I have a bad habit of judging people; especially since it's my best friend, I think it's logical to grow concern of a girlfriend who manipulates to get what she wants. David doesn't like the fact that I don't approve, and it got to the point where I called my best friend, crying my eyeballs out, asking for his forgiveness, and that I didn't want to lose him. He means a lot to me, y' know? So school has been my way of coping with my life. When I'm not thinking about my future or the negative things in my life, I'm thinking about school. And that's good! Everyone says that it's best to keep yourself occupied so your mind won't wander and think about depressing things. So far, school has done a good job at pointing me in a different direction...so now I'll become depressed about whether I'll do good in school or not rather than the other problems in my life. I sacrifice depression for...depression. 

But today was my first day of Spring 2011 semester, and I'm getting used to the college environment again. I'm glad that school is starting back because not only will I become in denial that I'm "doing something with my life" but I'll (hopefully) get paid some financial money. That's always a good thing when you're in debt -- not with credit cards but with owing family members some money. Since I've been in a car accident, my Geico's auto insurance is probably going to go up, and Geico apparently likes to make me wait. Good news is that my next payment is in March, and I'll be turning 21, so I'll (hopefully...again) have the financial aid money including the money I make from my birthday. We'll see about that. 

Even though I'm excited about school starting back again, I'm not quite satisfied with how things turned out today. It's actually a pretty funny story, so I'll go ahead and talk about it in extensive detail:

Attending about 4-5 semesters of the same college, I know when there's traffic and when there isn't. Considering it was my first day and I didn't know where my classes were, that was also a factor in what time I was going to wake up. Before I went to bed, I looked at my class schedule and looked at my English class that started at 8:30 AM. You might think 8:30 AM is too early, but I don't have a job and last semester I've been going to a couple classes that started at 7 AM! 8:30 is great to me because I wouldn't need to be in bed till 10-11 PM to get 8-9 hours of sleep (but we all know that it doesn't always work out the way we want it too). Considering the fact that I was nervous, I was surprised that I managed to get any sleep and I got a pretty decent amount. You can imagine I felt pretty good about myself when I woke up even before my alarm clock went off at 7 AM. I took a hot shower (considering it was freezing in my bathroom), picked my clothes out, put all my books in my bookbag, my cell phone, my Zune was fully charged, I had my favorite pencil laying next to some random pen that I found in my room (apparently 7 dollar pens disappear in my house so I had to suffice with a random pen). I picked out my clothes, cleaned my face up by applying face lotion to dry spots, put my contacts in; pretty much the whole 9 yards. Physically I was ready to go to school. I even managed to leave 5 minutes early to warm my car up for a few minutes and head towards school. Half tank of gas. You name it, I was ready. 

Normally parking isn't very complicated for me: either I find the nearest parking spot, or I go to a parking spot that I know is always empty to avoid driving around, wasting gas, just to prevent my fat ass from walking a few extra feet. Even though I get charlie horses in my leg and my heart rate increases to the point that I'm breaking a sweat and deep breathing, I still don't mind walking a long distance if it's totally necessary. If it's to prevent people from accidentally denting my car, I'm all for it. I know that my car isn't the nicest car, by any means, but I believe in being respectful and not doing something to someone's car without permission. So I try to stay away from that by parking on the top deck. While heading towards the top deck, around 8:20 (because there was traffic from people with the same mentality I had of arriving to school early), I spent several minutes driving up to the top deck only to realize that I didn't want to park on the top deck anymore. So I drove back down to the second and parked at the far end, but even THAT made me feel uncomfortable. By 8:28, I was inside the gym building with the intention of going to my first class. I looked at my schedule and found that the room number wasn't anywhere CLOSE to being any of the room numbers in the small building. I quickly realized that I was looking at the wrong class; the class I REALLY was going to was in another building, about a 5 minutes walk. So as you can imagine, more walking means more pain. This doesn't really make sense to me considering I'm exercising, lifting weights, working out all parts of my body, but I still can't walk long distances without getting charlie horses. Who knows...

I finally get to my class, around 8:35 and find that the class was empty, the lights were turned off, and there was no piece of paper saying where the class was relocated. That's odd, I thought to myself. Then I had the bright idea of going to the library to see if class was cancelled or moved without my knowledge. It wasn't. I was at the right class, on the right time, but no one was there. At 8:45, I looked at my schedule and realized...

THAT TODAY IS TUESDAY, NOT MONDAY!

Because of Martin Luther King's day, I got thrown off and thought today was Monday...thus, going to school with the intention of going to my Monday and Wednesday class. Thankfully my first Tuesday and Thursday class was at 9:00 and was almost next door to my English class. So I slid in the door, found a seat, and eventually realized that I forgot to bring a notebook and paper. Since it was math class, I knew I was going to take notes, so I decided to take notes on my class schedule. The rest of the day was pretty average.

Tomorrow is going to be interesting because it's World Lit II and Sociology II. I'm a little bit concerned because last semester, I withdrew World Lit I from almost failing the class. I didn't like the teacher, and I was under the impression that World Lit II will be better because the teacher is different. I was also told by various people that there's not a significant difference from World Lit II and I; just the reading material. The worse case scenario is that I'll have to withdraw from that class too, having on 3 classes, but I hope things will be better and I'll be able to make a B or an A in that class. We shall see! But I'm interested in Sociology II. If I'm interested in ANYTHING, it's cars and Sociology. That's as far as I know about my future. But who knows what will happen? For all I know, I could become a gay male stripper (and I'm not even gay!) 

It's safe to say that some adjustments need to be made in achieving the two goals that I discussed on yesterday's entry. I've made a couple mistakes that I've spotted early on that will help in the long run that I work to resolve NOW instead of in the future. For one thing, I've noticed within the past couple days that I've only had two meals: breakfast, and dinner. One day, I actually only had dinner (even if I woke up around breakfast time). Not surprisingly enough, I went to bed those both nights hungry under the impression that I wasn't actually hungry. I've read in various websites and through word of mouth that we tend to confuse dehydration with hunger. For the past couple nights, drinking water has helped enable me to feel comfortable to sleep. However, I still went to bed kind of hungry and, not surprisingly enough, I woke up hungry too. I thought that...perhaps that was just my body trying to adjust to not eating at night and was going through withdrawals. However, last night I noticed that I had a real problem when drinking water wasn't enough. I got to the point where my stomach actually hurt from hunger. So I decided to eat a little bit more than I have than the last few days (which is no problem to me because it was fried chicken and white rice...not exactly healthy but super delicious).

And so far, it has helped. Obviously because I ate more, I'm less hungry than I was. This is good news because it made me realize that I'm actually not eating enough and that it's not just dehydration. So if I plan to make any achievements within the next couple of months, mainly with controlling my portions and cutting back on Coke, then I'll definitely need to eat the right amount of food without going to sleep almost to the point of starvation. It makes me feel like crap, to be honest.

But to be honest, I feel better about myself psychologically. I actually feel sexy, even when I may not look sexy. There's not enough evidence to suggest that I've lost any weight, but it's the thought that counts. 

Weight: 228.5 @ 11:45 PM

A couple important things to mention before I start talking about this "plan" I've set for myself that's pretty exciting. Around 7 PM on January 9th, 2011, it started snowing. It took me by surprise because everyone was suggesting that we were gonna have this big "ice storm." Living in Georgia and not having a snow storm since the blizzard of 1993, I didn't feel too optimistic about weather predictions. The weather forecast suggested that it was going to snow sooner, so I lost my patience with the snow and decided to move on with my life. However, going into the garage, at some point, I looked outside and realized that it was snowing really bad; it definitely caught me by surprise. It snowed all throughout the night and some people suggest that we got 5 inches of snow. To Canadians, this is no big deal; to us Georgians, it's a state of emergency. Because we're in a state of emergency, schools have been closed, pretty much, all throughout Georgia. Technically, school started on Monday, January 10th, but the weather conditions have made it unsafe to drive and therefore I'm still waiting to go to school. Here's the classes that I'm taking:

• Macroeconomics
• Calculus I
• World Lit II
• Intro to Social Problems (Sociology)

It's going to be an interesting semester, to say the least. As most of you don't know, I withdrew from World Lit I for a couple reasons: my teacher was a biatch, and I was failing the class. So I never completed World Lit I but people insist that there's only a difference in material. It's like taking World Lit I twice -- or at least that's what I'm hoping. It's also my last semester at GPC which means, quite simply, that I need the figure out what the fuck I'm going to do with my life. I'm thinking about learning about automotive, just to see if it's something I want to do, but I can't be attending colleges and pursuing different things at once. Psychologically, this is going to be my toughest semester yet. And arguably, I have tough classes. The good thing is that I "supposedly" picked good teachers, according to ratemyprofessor.com. So yes, very interesting.

With that being said I want to talk about something that I'll be working on for the next several months.

When I was a kid, I spent most of my time being productive and spending time outside. Most importantly, I was involved with a sport that I loved: soccer. I was a really good soccer player, I enjoyed doing it, and I was also maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Eventually I quit playing because video games consumed my life. Meeting my best friend on Xbox Live was no help, and I frequently found myself playing games for as long as possible. I was still kind of productive and at a healthy weight, but when shit hit the fan in 2003, shit hit the fan. I lost a lot that night when my mom and I had that argument: I lost my self-respect, I lost the love of my mother, and I lost the motivation to take care of myself. After being kicked out of my mom's house, things started getting worse as far as my body is concerned. 

I moved into my grandparent's house weighing in the 100's, but 7 years later...I'm 234 pounds. I've gained probably about 100 pounds since I've moved in. According to BMI, I'm morbidly obese. I frequently find myself playing with my own man tits and jiggling my own fat because I never would've dreamed that I'd have this type of body because as far as I was concerned, I was a heart throb. Being so used to girls throwing themselves at me, I thought I was relatively attracted and thought that I was pretty damn sexy. I was full of myself, essentially. But all of that changed when I started getting fat.

Being fat just adds onto my list of problems. Considering it's a new year, I think that it's time to start making some changes in my life. Not big changes, mind you, but potentially big changes. Right now, I'm working on two important things that can have a drastic effect on my calorie consumption:

1. I eat after 8 PM, sometimes even before I go to bed. 
2. I drink a lot of Coke.

So, as you can imagine, my two goals is to cut back on Coke, essentially battling my addiction to caffeine and stop drinking soda all together, and also I'm not eating during the night. Not drinking soda is one thing, but not eating during the night has really bothered me because I feel hungry as hell. I drink water throughout the night, most importantly before I go to bed, because it helps battle that feeling of hunger and allows me to sleep. As you can imagine, I wake up hungry. My grandparents suggest that it's "not healthy" to go to bed hungry, but I talked with a guy at the gym several days ago about my eating habits and he said for me to not eating during the night as all the food is turned into stored fat. Having some background in Psychology, it made sense to me. He also said to eat four times a day, but that would require making my own food, perhaps buying my own food, and seems like too much work at this point. I like the fact that I'm taking baby steps on goals that are within my reach, and I feel that it will set off a chain reaction to other things. A lot of people go into a new year with these "resolutions" that are too generalized. Considering the fact that America is one of, if not, the most obese countries in the world, a lot of people want to "lose weight." I just don't do that. See, if I set realistic goals and I continue to achieve small goals, I'll gather motivation better and work towards "losing weight" more efficiently. Sure, it'd be nice to lose weight, but it's GETTING to that point is the problem. And so, that's what I'm trying to do now. Day 1. Many more to come.

As of 3:47 AM, I weigh 228 pounds. 

EDIT @ 10 PM:

I'm also trying to control my portions and it's been difficult considering the fact that I've only eaten twice today. Considering I only ate twice today, I had to eat something after 8 PM because I was really hungry to the point that I wouldn't be able to sleep so I had some white rice and green beans (not the best combination but helped fill up the sex tank).

If you've recently become a subscriber and/or friend and thought that I would be posting interesting entries everyday...sorry. Lol. I don't write entries very often anymore. I used to! A lot! But I don't feel motivated to do entries anymore. Besides, the majority of my entries are about my life...and no one really cares about that shit. Lol. But here's an update on my life:

- Christmas was awesome. I got some gloves, socks, money, gift cards, a remote control helicopter (that I'm gonna keep in the box and see if it becomes valuable later on), and...some nice jeans.

Excited about 2011. Ordered me a video game for 7 dollars on Amazon recently. Waiting for that so I won't be so bored.

1. Our idea of virginity is flawed (not to mention homophobic):

The traditional viewpoint of being a "virgin" means not being penetrated by a man's penis. For the longest time, I thought that was a reasonable explanation of what being a "virgin" was. However, growing up and learning different things, I've developed an entirely different viewpoint on virginity by asking myself one simple question: if people follow the traditional meaning of virginity, then how do homosexuals lose their virginity? I've conducted a survey and almost EVERY SINGLE PERSON  either said that homosexuals lose their virginity through oral/anal sex or they had no idea how homosexuals lose their virginity. With the traditional viewpoint of virginity, homosexuals couldn't lose their virginity. So what does society do? We say that homosexuals lose their virginity through oral/anal sex. Now wait a minute...we're saying that homosexuals lose their virginity through oral sex, but a heterosexual couple can't lose their virginity through oral sex? With that logic, that means that a homosexual woman loses her virginity through oral sex, but a heterosexual woman, who gives 10,000 men oral sex, would still be a virgin. By this logic, heterosexual women, by default, have the upper hand against homosexual women when it comes to losing virginity. Consider this...forget about the graphic details about traveling sperm and gravity, but a woman can become pregnant through anal sex. If being a virgin means vaginal penetration, when there was no vaginal penetration, a woman can get pregnant through sexual contact without losing her virginity. Is it just me, or is something ain't right here!? 

You may think "well Brandon, you make a valid point! We must make an exception to virginity!" Not so fast, buddy. Y' see, it's not so easy changing a term's definition when the term itself has to do with religion. If the "Virgin Mary" was a virgin, and society decides to make exceptions, to mend the traditional viewpoint of virginity, then would "virginity" still be part of the Bible? If society were to one day decide that "ya know what? Let's change virginity's meaning to opening your first can of Coca-cola," then would Mary, in the Bible, be a virgin because she never opened a can of Coca-cola? With all this being said, does society have any idea what being a "virgin" really means? Because if we mend the definition to fit a modern society, then why even wait till marriage to do something you were biologically programmed to do? All we have to do is make an exception; God will surely grant us access to Heaven if you were drunk and weren't conscious enough!

2. He/she is "The One":

We all know who "The One" is. "The one" is that one person who has all the qualities that we could wish for. That one person who we thought existed only in our dreams. That is...until we divorce them. After that point, he/she just "wasn't the one." If divorce rates are so high, then how do we really know who "the one" is? Maybe the people who we think are "the one", are really just people that you find very compatible with you. With a largely over-populated world, it's logical to say that someone is BOUND to have the same characteristics that you do. We are, in fact, human beings and therefore each individual is different only to a certain extent. We aren't as “unique” as we'd like to be. Now you might say that “oh Brandon...you're wrong about this because my boy/girlfriend is “The One.” Well, that's what a lot of people think too. In the end, “The One” only exists in fairy tales. In reality, the people that we date based on compatibility, are really just regular people who are compatible with you. Nothing more, nothing less.

3. Dependency Vs. Single:

Society views “single” as a negative experience. Being single isn't necessarily difficult because other people are in relationships, being single is difficult because people continually feel bad for you and think you're depressed, alone, suicidal, etc. However, the truth is that not all single people are those negative things. Some people seem to forget that relationships are not obligations, they're not essential to your life, and they don't always determine whether someone is happy or sad. Self-confidence, self-respect, and even your feelings towards certain things, all come from the inside; meaning that whatever happens outside of your body, is a factor in your emotions, but isn't necessarily the cause of your state of being. Just because you have a relationship doesn't always make you happy, just like being single doesn't always make you sad. The mind and body is more complex than that.

4. L-O-V-E. <3:

“I love you.”

How many times have we heard this from significant others (or even ourselves) early in the relationship? We might feel uncomfortable when someone says this because we consider “love” to be a complex term. In modern society, you can't say you “love” someone when you're only 2-3 weeks in the relationship. People wouldn't find that acceptable based on a limited amount of time. It's like the people who post life quotes from historical figures on Facebook statuses and claiming that they're wise. Doesn't quite work like that. So I ask you: what is love? When you ask people that question, you will get a variety of answers; some more cornier than others, but you will get a variety of answers. It's safe to say that “love” is not easily defined in a modern society. However, I tend to think about “love” in a simplistic way: love is something that you do. You can't say that “love” is that feeling of butterflies in your stomach because that would imply that your parents (assuming that you love your parent(s)) give you those butterflies. You don't love chocolate, political science, or video games like you love your significant other. However, you love all four of them with different magnitudes and you express your love in a different manner. So I believe that the mixture of feelings associated with the interaction of the things that you love are not combined. That is, love is something that you do, but the things that you feel inside are something different. Society just tends to take the easy approach, even if it doesn't quite make sense, and resulting in a complex term.

5. I am Male. I love sex, sex, sex:

Even though there's hundreds of websites and blogs that are dedicated to understanding the male and female mind and body, people still have confusion about the other gender. However, we do know one important similarity: men and women both use sex for recreation. We also know that the average man thinks about sex 75% of the day, while the average woman thinks about sex 45% of the day. This means that some women think about sex more than men do, and some men think about sex less than women do. So when someone asks “why do men want sex?” The answer is simple: it's in human nature. The problem about women openly expressing themselves is that society would deem her as a “slut.” It's okay for a man to be sexual because that's just what society expects, but women, on the other hand, are supposed to be innocent and the ones who actually want a “meaningful relationship.” According to society, males are incapable of having a relationship, and women either don't want sex or she's a “slut.” There's a reason why women don't openly express themselves, but the important thing is that there's a lot of over-generalizations that are based on society's view, an observed opinion, but not actually fact. Society just assumes that the over-generalizations are true because it just makes the most logical sense.

6. Porn is Cheating:

Having almost completed my Intro to Anthropology course, I've learned that not everything we own has the same meaning as it does in different cultures. If I were to give a native tribe my 30 GB Zune, they most likely wouldn't ask for headphones so they could listen to Queen or Bucket Head. They might try to use it as some kind of tool; ultimately, they would develop a new meaning for the Zune, while my meaning of the Zune was completely different than theirs. The letters in our alphabet, themselves, have no meaning; we just give them meaning. If I were to give a native tribe a gun, they probably wouldn't know how to shoot and use it as an effective killing tool. Where am I going with this? Well, I have a very strong opinion that “people kill people,” rather than the argument that “guns/knives kill people.” The same goes for pornography; you could argue all day about the psychological effects of watching pornography, but everything that results from watching pornography is based on a choice. Some people have suggested that pornography actually decreases sexual violence, while some people suggest that pornography increases sexual violence. Regardless of what information is out there, I believe that people cause sexual violence. Just because your girlfriend/boyfriend watches porn doesn't mean he/she is going to turn into an immoral human being. The only reason why you would dislike your significant other watching pornography is because you believe that pornography is considered cheating. And why not? He/she is engaging in self-stimulation while watching other people do sexual things after all.

Well, let's think about this: what is the difference between a Hollywood scene/movie and a pornography scene/movie? There's actors/actresses, there's somewhat of a plot, there's transitions, there's a soundtrack, and they're both used for entertainment. If you think about it, there's really not a whole lot of differences between the two; granted, porn stars are terrible at acting and you normally don't see movie stars fully nude and exposed like you do porn stars. But have you ever been to a porn site and looked at the most popular videos on the website? You hardly ever seen a video title consisting of a porn star's name. Hell, you rarely see any information on the names of the actors/actresses in porn scenes. Why is that? It's because that people, in general, don't care about who is in the video, but rather what is in the video. Many couples use pornography as a form of foreplay because it is strictly used as visual stimulation. If you ask someone, chances are they'll be able to name more movie stars than porn stars. So if someone doesn't take a personal interest in a porn star, then is it still considered cheating? I say no. The only time that watching porn would be a bad thing is when you watch in excessive amounts to the point where you don't have ANY sexual interaction with your significant other. But that's classified as an addiction, and all addictions are bad (even water intoxication), not as cheating.

If, at the end of the day, you're still not convinced, relationships aren't dictatorships; they are about compromises and understanding. No one should be forced to do anything they don't want to do just because you don't feel comfortable with the idea. If your significant other doesn't want to stop watching porn, join em'! Otherwise, save yourself the trouble by finding someone who shares your opinions

7. The Toilet Seat:

One of the advantages of being single is not having to worry about leaving the toilet seat down. People have actually debated about this topic, and I think that it's quite sad. Of all the misfortunes in the world, some people get upset over toilet seats. If you mistakenly fall into the toilet because you didn't bother to look, then I would have to question whether you're capable of driving. If no one really is at that certain stop light at 3 AM, is it okay to run it without looking to make sure there weren't any cars? If you get into an accident, would it not be your fault because you expected no one to be at that place and time? Leaving the toilet seat down is an act of courtesy, not an obligation. Unless you were 80+ years old, I don't think that extending your arm to pull the toilet seat down would take a lot of time and effort to do. If we can handle traffic on a daily basis, then surely we can wait 1-2 seconds to move the toilet seat up or down to use the restroom. Besides, it probably takes you longer to drop your pants than it does to move the toilet seat up or down. I think you'll survive. Just maybe.

8. "Does This Shirt Make me Look Fat?":

One of the worst things that your significant other can ask you is “does this shirt make me look fat?” Self-confidence is not achieved by dressing to impress other people. You shouldn't wear something that makes you feel uncomfortable, and you shouldn't be concerned about what other people think when you have a significant other who fully supports you. If they are in a full-blown relationship with you, then chances are that they see beyond your imperfections. Your significant other probably doesn't care whether you look fat in a certain outfit because you're beautiful the way you are. Physical appearances only matter in one-night stands and friends with benefits. So you're asking the wrong person.

9. People Aren't Mind Readers:

According to the popular book “Why do Men Fall Asleep After Sex” (which I personally recommend anyone to read), men listen differently than women do; men typically listen with the left side of their brain, while women typically listen with the right side. Not only that, but a man's brain categorizes a woman's voice as a complex sound, while other man voices activate a region in the brain for producing imagery. Therefore, men have a tougher time listening to women than they do other men. This is not a sexist joke...this is a fact. However, you might say “well Brandon, that's not an excuse for him to NOT listen...” and I couldn't agree more. That's precisely the point I was getting too. Regardless of the information out there, there's really no excuse as to why a guy shouldn't listen to what you have to say. However, there's also no excuse as to why you should expect someone to read your mind. If you don't tell your significant other that there's a problem, then they're probably not going to know why you're upset. Maybe they do but they just want to hear it from you first. Relationships are about compromises and understanding; the only way that you're going to achieve that is if you establish communication. Like I mentioned earlier, relationships aren't dictatorships. Relationships are about team work, and if you don't establish communication/clear understanding, you will lose the game.

You might wonder why I haven't ended in an even number. It's not because I wanted to be different, it's because I can't think of anything else.

Got anything else you'd like to add? Do you agree/disagree? Why or why not?

There's a million and one reasons why my car isn't perfect. After sitting in the driver's seat for a while without the radio, the noise that it makes is amplified; that's a good thing when you can hear the dual exhaust in the back as you accelerate from a traffic light. However, it can also be bad. There are some things that the car does that you would find annoying, and you could find many reasons why you wouldn't want to buy this car. And why would you anyways when you can buy an 87' Firebird that has a massive 350 engine as opposed to a 305? The only advantage that an 85' Firebird has is the appearance, but that could be just a personal opinion. If I had the choice, would I rather buy an 87' than a 85'? Absolutely.

While my mom owned the car, she made a promise to me that if I didn't do drugs or drink alcohol, she'd give me the car by the age of 16. Unfortunately, I was kicked out of my mom's house before the age of 16 and didn't expect to see the car ever again. Even though it wasn't the most perfect car, I loved that car and was looking forward to it becoming mine. I was excited about taking my friends for a ride on it. The truth was that I thought I was going to be the most bad-ass guy in the school because I had the most nicest car. I was even stupid enough to think that my car would make women cream their pants and drool over me. But after 16, all hope was lost. Even though my aunt offered to give me her 2002 Ford Ranger for an affordable price, I still denied that offer because my heart was still with the 85' Firebird.

On graduation day, it finally happened. Despite it being totally obvious, I saw a 2003 gold Mustang and started freaking out from excitement. The car that I was actually getting was BEHIND the gold Mustang and it turned out to be the 85' Firebird that I've longed for so long. From the excitement and fulfillment, I cried because I never thought that I'd see the car again.

Over the years, my car has been having problems. After spending numerous amounts of money to maintain and fix the car, the car has been doing pretty well. It's never going to be in perfect condition because it's been sitting in a parking lot for several years before my mom actually gave me the car, but it's probably not going to be in much better condition than it is now.

Now you may be asking...what's this got to do with something monumental that happened recently? Did the transmission go out? Did your car get stolen? Did you wear down the brakes enough to the point that you couldn't stop and ran off a cliff? The answer is no, even though I wish I ran off a cliff.

I regret to inform you that I got into a car accident. Not just a car accident, mind you, but my very first car accident. Let me first say that, obviously, the damage isn't extensive. My lights still raise up and fully function, and my hood can still be popped open. However, you can also notice that there's black marks on the front bumper. That is from a BMW. Yeeaaahhhh...not the BEST car to hit, but definitely not the worst car either. I try to remain optimistic, and optimism really paid off because I was really upset but never really managed to cry. When giving the driver my car insurance information, I've even managed to crack a few jokes, smile, and be energetic, but it was obvious that I was very nervous. The only reason why I was nervous was because I couldn't find my car insurance card and he was threatening to call the cops. I said "go ahead", but before he could do that...I managed to find the card in my wallet. But let's rewind a little bit before the accident occured:

It was a beautiful Friday afternoon on October 22nd, 2010. Sometime in the afternoon, I decided to go to the gym because I was allowed to use my grandmother's car; if I can use someone else's gas to avoid paying my own, then that'd just give me more reason to go to the gym. Before I left, my grandmother remembered she had to be somewhere and I had to take my car instead. I didn't mind, really, because it wasn't like my car was going to over-heat and I've had plenty of gas to at least make it home from traffic (they don't call muscle cars "gas guzzlers" for no reason). With the windows rolled down and my arm resting on the door, I was really enjoying myself: beautiful Friday afternoon, I was going to get some much needed exercise, and my sister was coming over for the weekend. But it turns out that I was enjoying the drive too much. I was paying attention to the road, but I wasn't exactly paying attention to the BMW that was stopping a few feet in front of me. I had enough time to slam on my brakes, but with an old 2,000 or so pound vehicle, the tires locked up and sent me skidding into the BMW and ended up rear-ending it. For my first accident, I really thought it wasn't bad damage. Of course, looks can be deceiving so I didn't really jump to conclusions at the time. All I knew was that the driver owned a BMW, and he was a Vice President to some bank and he was arguably pissed for some reason. He never called the cops, but I decided to not work out that day. I was pissed at myself and didn't trust my driving.

Instead of telling you all the things that were running through my mind, I will just say that I was very shocked about what happened. I realize that one day I'd get into an accident, but I didn't expect to be in one in the same year. Since I've had the car, I've avoided a couple accidents, people have hit me, but I was never the cause of anything...till now. The question that was mostly running through my mind was "is this really happening?" After impacting the BMW, I sat there with my mouth wide open thinking "is this a nightmare? Brandon...wake up. Brandon...time to wake up." But this was no nightmare, this was really happening. Coming back home, I told my dad the news, choking on every word, struggling to fight the tears, and I finally went to my room, put on my headphones, listened to music, until I had the strength to get up and move on with my day.

Even though my sister was spending the weekend at my house, I was still upset and my dad didn't make it any better. He got me so frustrated to the point that I threatened to punch him in the face. He even said that I was "sick" for even thinking about punching him in the face, and I said that even my uncle wanted to punch him in the face for being a douchebag. It was obvious that I was frustrated, had a lot going on, upset over a lot of things, and he had no right to piss me off even more. And to be quite honest, I should have punched him but I didn't because I wouldn't really do it even if I wanted to. Surprisingly enough, I have self-control.

Needless to say, I've learned from this experience and will try to prevent this from happening again. I was driving safe, but now I'm driving safer. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

I'll be honest, Youtube has killed my motivation to type Xanga entries. I've actually gotten used to the idea of talking to my camera after I've gotten the hang of editing videos and uploading them in HD quality. I'm not quite sure if my webcam is capable of 720P quality, but that's what I record my videos in now. Because I've been involved with Youtube for a while, I've spent the past month doing video blogs. Don't get me wrong...you can't imagine how many times I've logged into my Xanga account and attempted writing an entry for the past month of inactivity. I've tried and tried again, and though I have much to talk about, I have so much to talk about that I literally don't want to talk about any of it. It's kind of like that story that you continue telling people to the point that you don't want to tell the story anymore because it pisses you off that people continue asking about it. For me, it's just I don't have the motivation to do it.

It's safe to say that I haven't done an entry in quite a while. Do I have a legitimate excuse? Perhaps a hott girlfriend who has tied me to a leash? A successful career? Do I have an awesome story about traveling the world to find myself while encountering real life pirates, being chased by a pack of lions, saving a child's life, and mastered Brazilian Jui-Jitsu?

Well, I regret to inform you that none of those have literally happened in my life. Since my last entry, I have still been single, I am jobless, and I'm still at the same location I've been in since I was a little girl. Keep in mind that the reason why I'm jobless isn't because I'm incapable of getting a job, it's because I don't try to find one. My grandparents haven't wrapped around the idea yet because every time they go to Kroger, especially me, they always remind me that they're hiring cashiers. "Yeah, that's great..." I'd tell them just looking the opposite direction. Around 18 years old, it was perfectly fine for me to not have a job -- here I was attending college as a full-time student that scholarships paid all my tuition, and the government gave me 2,700 dollars for spending money. How sweet is that? 2,700 was more than enough money to pay car insurance, gas, video games, and anything else that I found reasonable. I had no reason for a job. But now isn't really the case. I'm not going to explain all the details about why I need a job, but as a 20 year old...I eventually need to start looking for a job regardless of whether I'm still in college or not.

Speaking of college, how is my fall semester going?

For those of you who don't know my style of learning, I start off really bad in school -- always have. I'd make horrible grades in a couple classes, I'd bring myself back up towards the middle, and then I'd beast the rest of the semester with B's and A's. However, this semester hasn't gone exactly as planned. A few things have happened during this semester, one being devastating to my life, and one being potentially harmful to my GPA. First and foremost, let's talk about what happened during this semester, Fall semester 2010, that devastated me.

About a couple or so weeks ago, I withdrew from my first class. I'm not proud of myself for making the decision to withdraw, but I withdrew for a couple reasons:

1. My teacher is a cold-hearted biatch. She's the type of women who is confident in herself, who is physically attractive, but will mentally demoralize your existence. She will fuck your world. In the beginning, I didn't like her -- at all. I argued with her, and several students have mentioned to me that they thought she was going to "hurt" me. Before I withdrew, I actually began to like her and actually found her bitchness a turn-on. I would frequently, in the back of my mind, mentally undress her and imagined her an I having rough sex in my car.
2. Even though I wanted to bone the shit out of her, she was still a biatch and I was still failing that class. Because the latest time to withdraw from a class without a penalty was coming up, and because I had a mid-term in that class, I decided to withdraw from that class so I wouldn't have to take the mid-term and would be able to concentrate on my other three classes. So because I withdrew from class on a good date, I wasn't penalized for withdrawing, and I quickly forgot about that class.

Some people told me to not worry about it -- people withdrew from class all the time for a variety of reasons. But I was disappointed in myself because I would've failed a class. And what hurt the most was the fact that my family members asked how I was doing in school and I would lie and say "they're all right." However, in reality, you and I both know that just "all right" wasn't exactly the truth. Not only was I going to make the difficult decision of withdrawing from class, throwing up the white flag and saying "I SURRENDER", but also whether I should tell my family members about withdrawing. If I really wanted to, I could make my withdrawal a secret, but I really didn't want to spend every Tuesday and Thursday at school doing nothing from 9:45 to 12:45 PM. I'd much rather go home and go back to sleep. During the night of withdrawing from my English class, I sat down with my grandfather and dad for dinner and explained to them the bad news. I explained to them that it was the best choice that I could make, that I did the readings, took pages of notes, but it just wasn't enough. I also explained that the mid-term was coming up, and I didn't want to take a huge risk of continuing that class and still failing. I'd be a lot better of withdrawing from a class than risking my scholarship; the only reason why I'm in college right now. Otherwise, how would I be in college without money? Loans? Yeah, I'd rather not owe people money for the rest of my life.

But my dad took it well, perhaps too well. He actually understood and agreed on me withdrawing. Keep in mind that this is the same guy who told me that he'd ground me for the rest of summer if I didn't make a 3.0 GPA freshman year. Needless to say, I was on the verge of tears.

After withdrawing from the class, it set off a small chain reaction.

Because I was upset with failing one of my strongest subjects, I was very disappointed in myself. To fail a subject that you thought you were going to exceed with flying colors, it really pays a tool on your self-esteem -- it either makes you, or breaks you. Unlike the usual, withdrawing from class made me realize that I am not perfect and that life doesn't always go the way we want it to. Withdrawing from class gave me motivation to make some changes in my life, and I started with the very object that destroyed many things in my life -- my Xbox 360.

Quickly, I made the committed decision of getting rid of *most* of my Xbox 360 games and bought Sims 3 (mostly for my sister since she doesn't have the luxury of playing Sims on a nice computer) for the PC. I spent most of my college refund money on my computer, why not? Getting rid of my Xbox 360 games dramatically decreased my amount of game time. Granted, I did play Sims 3 for some time, but Sims 3 was only fun for a certain amount of time until it got boring (I was never a Sims fan but I try). Essentially, I stopped playing video games all together. Because I had more time to watch TV and spend time with family, I had more time to think about my past, present, and future. I was really happy with myself because I've been addicted to video games since I was 10 years old, but I still had a variety of problems to deal with. I decided to be more optimistic and use my English skills to create a pledge that I would memorize and say to myself if I ever felt down and depressed. It goes a little something like this:

I walk my own path.

I am in charge of my life.

If I cannot better my future, then at least I can better my lifestyle.

I am my own creation and choose to be the person that I am.

But I can make choices to change and will not hesitate to change.

I will not hesitate to change because I am capable and willing to change.

There is nothing that I can't accomplish in my life when I put my mind to it.

The only person who can stop me is myself.

This is not a final product, but it is a start and it rings very true to me because I was always concerned about my future. Thoughts like those really got me depressed and then I realized that if I'm going to dream about a better future and yet do nothing, the least that I can do is better my lifestyle. Do something instead of sit on my ass 24/7 and complain about my life. I told people, all the time, in various forums to do something about their problems if they complain about it, but I never followed my own advice -- till now. Even though I don't have a job, though I need one, and even though I'm not the richest man with the brightest future, I have learned to accept my circumstances and focus on problems that I am willing to change. And so far, things have been going pretty good -- I've been working out with a smile on my face, and I'm doing better in Math. School is back on track, and my car is running good because I recently got my water pump replaced.

Tomorrow is Sunday, and I'm ready for yet another week of school. Not being addicted to video games anymore, I crave interaction more than I crave video games. Because my friends are in college and all that jazz, I'm stuck at home.

But I can't complain. 

About five to six yesterday, my aunt offered me an incredible opportunity of having my own computer. Not having my own computer and going through some depressing times, I took her up on that offer. She said that if I obtained a 3.0 GPA or higher, she would buy me a computer. At the end of my Freshman year, I received a report card that I actually earned a 3.5 GPA. Not only did I follow through with the opportunity, but I exceeded with flying colors.

With days of research, I came to the conclusion on one computer that peaked my interest the most:

The Dell XPS 600

At the time, it was a really great computer. I had most of the parts modified to my personal preference. It was, to say the least, an expensive computer that certainly packed a punch. With 5.1 surround sound, I frequently played games like Battlefield: Vietnam, Medal of Honor: Allied Assault, Diablo II, and even The Sims 2.

Five years later, my computer started experiencing problems that dramatically influenced its purpose. Within five or so minutes, my computer screen would start to shake, and then it would turn black.

My Dell Diagnostics would keep telling me that my motherboard was experiencing problems. Eventually, it led to blue screens. During my mess, my speakers were also affected because they were too quiet, or they were too loud. If you tried turning up the volume full blast, you still wouldn't be able to hear much going through the speakers. Eventually, my computer deleted the System32 file on my Windows and left me no choice but to reinstall my Windows. At first, I thought that reinstalling my Windows would solve my problems. I even didn't install my sound card in case my motherboard was experiencing problems.

I knew that if I was going to attend another semester of college, I would have to fix my computer or buy a new one. With my refund check coming in, I decided that now would be the perfect time to start over new -- not only buy a computer, but buy own parts and assemble it myself.

After days of research, I finally made my first step to building my computer.

The Antec 900

There's a lot of reasons why I chose the Antec 900, but the important thing was that if I were to replace any parts, I could do so without any problem. Even though I had an Antec 900 computer tower sitting in my room, I still needed parts to put IN the computer.

That took some time. For one thing, I had to make sure that all the parts were compatible with each other. For second, I needed to make sure that I knew what I wanted. After settling in, I decided to get a Intel i5 750 Quad-Core processor that runs at 2.66 GHz. To back up my memory, I decided to get 4 GB of RAM, and a 650 GB hard drive that ran at 7,200 RPMS and 16 MB of cache. If I wanted to play games, I'd need a good video card so I bought the Geforce 9800. Most importantly, it is all connected to a Asus Supercomputer motherboard. To power everything, I chose a Corsair 750 watt power supply.

As I was assembling my parts, I consulted with the various instruction manuals that I had and even checked my "Building PC's for Dummies" book. At first, things were going okay. After a short while, I started noticing little pieces and unanswered questions. The instruction manuals didn't tell me everything that I needed to know. If they had any information that I wanted, I'd have to dissect each word by word. After all, I've never came close to building my own computer.

After my dad's refusal to help and my lack of understanding, I was faced with a big problem: I had several parts lying on the table, an empty gaming PC tower, and I've got less than a week before school starts. I wasn't exactly in the best mood because things weren't going according to plan. I didn't want to build a computer while I was attending school.

I told one of my good friends about my situation and he recommended that I get his brother to do it. His brother has had experience building computers and he was willing to do it at a friendly cost. I couldn't pass that offer up.

Long story short, I learned a lot about building the computer and the small parts were just there to intimidate me. He didn't even use all the parts that came with the motherboard and the power supply hooked up to everything. I was originally intimidated by the power supply because there were a lot of cords that I didn't know what to do with. If I had a couple weeks to build the computer, I could've eventually built the computer myself. But like I said, I lacked the time.

Even though I got someone to build the PC for me, I think that I made a good decision. Because scattered parts, cords, screws, and an empty computer case led to this:

And let me tell you...she is a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad bitch.

The computer itself has power, but the monitor has power also. With a 23.6 inch 1080P LCD monitor, she'll back up the computer until the day she dies.

But you wanna know the awesome thing? I'm running Windows 7 Home Premum 64-bit.

On my last computer, I've had Windows XP for a loooooooooong time. I never had the luxury of experiencing Windows Vista, so I never knew how much things have changed for Windows. My initial thought about Windows 7 was that it wasn't going to be much different -- it'd look better, perhaps more organized, but nothing would really be changed.

Boy was I wrong.

All the default programs have been redesigned. Any program that you use on Windows 7, from the calculator to 3-D chess, is fun to use. The calculator is more sophisticated: you can correct mistyped numbers before using the calculator, and you can tell what you previous punched in to avoid confusion. The font is bigger and with a 23.6 inch monitor, you don't need another calculator laying around to handle basic math equations. If I can find joy in the calculator program, just imagine of what I think of everything else!

Probably one of the best things that I like about Windows 7 is that I can keep sticky notes on my desktop. Why waste paper and risk damaging your screen when you can make digital sticky notes that stay on your desktop even when you restart the computer?! I forget about a lot of things and have already used sticky notes to its full potential.

But what's really cool is this thing called "voice recognition." I'll be honest, at first I thought it was going to recognize my voice so I wouldn't have to type in my password to get into my username. I was wrong, but it's much cooler than that. I can actually minimize, maximize, delete, close, and even type on various programs without setting any fingers on my keyboard. In fact, I could write a whole essay (however it would take you a long time because you have to pronounce clearly and correct the mistakes it makes). It's not flawless, but it's definitely cool to impress people and even yourself. I showed my dad voice recognition by opening up the calculator program while I was walking to my seat. I'll be honest, made me feel like a secret agent.

Anyways, I'm very impressed with my computer. It does all that I want it to do, and it's effective at what it does. School starts tomorrow, my books are on their way, and I don't have all the school supplies I need. But hell, I'm ready anyways cause I'm bored as hell.

I'm feelin' pretty good about myself -- I actually made a goal and I followed through with it. Last week, I planned on going to the school around Monday or Tuesday. A while back I had documents that were incomplete and I spent a little while preparing those documents, making copies, and sending them in a nice envelope. Everything was going good until I went to my school to figure out why those documents were still incomplete.

On Tuesday, August 10th, 2010, I woke up early to arrive at my school before 8:00 AM. Supposedly my school opens up at 8:00 AM and it would be a smart choice to get to the school early so other students wouldn't pile in and cause me to wait in line for 30+ minutes to answer questions that will only take a couple minutes to verify and answer. I was motivated to go to school because I could take my car out for a spin, enjoy the comfort of sitting in my own vehicle, driving my own vehicle, and testing whether the engine overheats.

The first time I walked in the financial aid office, around 8:04 AM, I signed up to be in the line to ask questions. I waited for about five minutes and decided to go over to student accounts to verify that I owed 98 dollars and to get my class schedule. I usually go to one female because she's usually wearing semi-attractive clothing. From my angle of view, her cleavage sticks out a mile from her body and I find myself staring secretly at her boobs. She's not physically attractive, mind you, but she's really nice and she's usually the only student account's person that is available to talk to. I don't go over to her just because she has "the big jugs", I swear!

After I verified the 98 dollars, which I'm not really happy about but thankful for not having to pay more than that, I went over to the financial aid office and waited a little while before my name was called. She asked me to fill out some paperwork, and she showed me where my dad didn't complete his 2009 tax return. Everything else was correct, but he forgot his signature. His signature set me back and delayed my FAFSA from completing.

I went to the bookstore after I finished with financial aid and asked the cashiers for the red booklet that showed me which books I needed for which class. They claimed to have no idea what I was talking about. Perhaps I wasn't asking for the right color binder, or something, and so it was an awkward situation when they looked at me as if I was on crack. They said that I can order my books online, but I'm pretty sure the books don't list the UPC number. The UPC number is the most important number on a book when you plan on buying your books online from Amazon, eBay, or some kind of online store. You should never buy directly from your school store unless absolutely necessary. After being a student in GPC for 2 semesters, I looked at them like they were on crack and thanked them anyways for the help as I left.

After I got back home, I quickly swooped up a copy of my dad's 2009 tax return with a signed signature and drove back to GPC. When I walked back into the financial aid office, things got a little bit interesting. Before I left the first time at GPC, the financial aid person said that the HOPE scholarship was paying for my tuition. At the time, nothing really rang a bell and I just dismissed it. When I was driving back to GPC the second time, I realized that I didn't know what the heck she was talking about. I skipped the entire line and gave her my completed document and went straight to the lady who helped me at student accounts. She explained further that my tuition was being covered by the HOPE scholarship because my FAFSA wasn't completed. Because I visited my school's financial site, it said that my HOPE was 2,150 dollars. What puzzled me was...why in the world, if my college expenses equaled up to 1200 something dollars, why did I owe 98 dollars if my HOPE would've covered it and more? The spent a long time trying to explain to me that, basically, my HOPE is acting like my FAFSA. FAFSA only covers most of the money that I need for tuition, therefore that 700-800 dollars that I thought was left over in my account never existed. She said that the HOPE would've covered for me up to 2,000 dollars, but because it is acting in place of my financial aid, it is only covering for what it has to. She said that if I was going to get any money, it would be from the pell grant. At this point in time, that amount could be anything, and I won't be expecting any money until the beginning of September. The bad thing isn't that I have no clue how much money I'm getting, if any, it's the fact that I'm in some serious debt right now. I relied on that 2,000 dollars that the HOPE was going to give me, but since my dad failed to sign his name on his 2009 tax return...it screwed up the financial aid process.

Next month, I planned on buying another 6 months of car insurance. That would've been 500-600 dollars. I already owe my dad just above 1,300 dollars for the computer parts to build my computer. That's 1,900 dollars...which means that I only have 100 dollars left over. Today, my friend's brother is coming over to build the computer -- most likely a labor fee of 50 dollars. That's about 1,950 dollars. I used my grandfather's check to pay for the 98 dollars. So that's over 2,000 dollars. The real problem is that my car needs a water pump: the part itself is around 75 dollars, and the labor is 200-300 dollars. If I get less than 2,000 dollars from the pell grant, then I will be financially screwed.

But I kind of like to be optimistic; at least I'm going to have a really nice computer to play plenty of games on without a problem, to do my school work so that I can maintain the HOPE scholarship, and I won't have to worry about my computer messing up. I did attempt to build my computer, and I did take pictures of what I did do, but all that information including the end result of the final build will be on my next entry.

So, stay tuned my friends.