October 3, 2012

  • I've Made Plans...

    In about 5 hours, my boss is going to come to work and notice that the shelves are practically empty. He's going to make a mental note and assume that I wasn't doing my job yesterday. One of our co-workers quit, so we've been a man down. Yesterday, two people worked: one opened up in the morning, and I closed the department. In reality, there's supposed to be at least 3 people working. The co-worker who opened up doesn't really give a fuck because he's retired, has a military background, and all this stuff. He told me he's got over a million dollars in the bank account. As you can imagine, he does what he wants to, however he wants to. No one talks down to him, no one tries to rush his ass, etc. Not a whole lot was able to get done. Everything pretty much looked like shit, had to cut a bunch of meat to put out on the shelves because they were all practically empty. All fuckin' day, customers came up and asked where a certain product was because it was on sale, and I all told them the same thing because I didn't have the product. I told them we're running low on stock, and there's not a whole lot I can do about it. I did a lot of shit. Sure, there was a certain point where I stood around and texted, but I didn't get the chance to take a 15 minute break. If I can't take a break in the break room, I sure as hell am going to take a break SOMEWHERE. This job drives me fucking insane, and I hide my feelings so well. Today, I really didn't want to go to work. In fact, I didn't even go to school today. You want to know what I did? I went to the lake, sat in my car, and continued reading the first book of Harry Potter. And you know what? It was nice.

    I've been upset these past several days, for obvious reasons, and I really wasn't looking forward to closing down my department. Even if I wanted to, I didn't have a choice. I'm really not looking forward to going to work at 7 in the morning...especially when I know that someone is going to say something about what I did or didn't do.

    Today, I'm going to Kathleen's place to make up to her for what's been going on these past couple days. Her tone of voice suggests that she's still really pissed off at me -- I know her enough to know that I'm not exactly on her good side at the moment. That's right, I'm still in the doghouse. I'm thinking about getting a pillow and bringing it to the doghouse, because I'm there quite often. I just need to snuggle and forget about the world for a second. I know that at some point, life is going to hit me like a brick wall. I'm not afraid to admit it...I'm scared as shit. I don't know what's going to happen within these next couple of years, and it's scary as shit. I don't know what I'm going to do...all I know is that I'm about to have a nervous breakdown. I've never fainted before, and I've never had an anxiety attack. I think that I'm due for one or the other at some point in my future.