It's been a pretty long time since I've lasted posted, so I figured I'd update my blog. I got work in almost 6 hours, but I'm still at Kathleen's place right now. I know that it would be easier for me if I left Sunday night so I wouldn't have to wake up so early on Monday morning, but I really can't resist staying another night and snuggling with my girlfriend. It really hurts to kiss her good-bye super early in the morning and know that when she wakes up...I won't be near her. I try to stay with her as much as possible but sometimes I really can't. I'm working 37 hours this week, more than usual, so it's going to be a long week. I just spent over 300 dollars to fix my car because the wiring on the alternator went bad along with a light in the dashboard -- now I'm back down to almost double digits. I'm able to save money, but I'm never able to save it for long because something always comes up. I was considering on buying a different Kindle with the built in light for 119, but something has been holding me back. I knew that if I was going to buy something, I'd regret it when my car would break down and I'd have to borrow money. I actually borrowed some of my dad's money because I was afraid I wasn't going to have enough for the weekend. My girlfriend and I like to do things sometimes -- we don't usually like to cook because cooking requires patience. Yesterday we went to a Vietnamese restaurant, and the bill ended up 20 dollars. Just recently, I've been real cautious about my money because I never realized that I'd have to work 3 hours just to pay off a restaurant bill. Working at Kroger for that amount of time, I"d be better off mowing lawns. It's embarrassing how I've kept myself to such low standards in the job market, that all I have to show on my record is that I've worked at Kroger for a long ass time and was able to remain an associate.

Enough about that, though.

A rant is below; if you would rather not read the rant, avoid reading between the horizontal lines.

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I had a rough night last night; mostly because Kathleen and I didn't go to sleep till 12 or so, and I had to wake up at 4:30 AM because I worked at 6. I wasn't thrilled about it, of course, considering I had to wake up super early, but that's how it goes. Sometimes you gotta do things you don't want to do. Well, I woke up at 4:30 AM with a cold sweat, a cold, dizzy, and a little bit sick. I managed to get out of bed, stood for a second, went to the bathroom, and was having doubts. I didn't feel safe driving because I felt like I was going to pass out. I called my work around 5:30 AM and was told that there wasn't a manager in the store till later on, and then I called again at 6 AM to see if anyone else was working in the department. Nope. It was supposedly just me working the department; ever since the new schedule system has been out, the possibility of only one person opening the department up increases by a huge amount because the automatic system doesn't give a shit. For all it cares, two people could work the entire department (one in the morning and one at night). Since I called in sick and I was the only one opening the department, that left the department unattained; "falling behind," my store manager told me on the phone. It used to be that if you called in sick, one person would be opening the department still unless you BOTH called in sick. Now it takes the ability of someone calling in sick without getting on someone's bad side because the store is counting on you. I would've, but I got sick. I sure as hell wasn't going to drive 40 minutes in my condition to work my ass off. My store manager told me that she was going to write me up but considering the fact that I was sick, I had more important things to worry about. I'm leaving that fucking job in May anyways (probably) because the store manager is a bitch and it's just not worth the hassle at 7.45 an hour. If I have to, I'll try and find something better. I've developed three canker sores in my mouth from the amount of stress I've been having, and I really don't want to deal with it. Until then, I'll deal with what I have to.

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This weekend was pretty productive. On Friday, Kathleen and I drove to get her driver's license. I wasn't sure what to expect. On one hand, my girlfriend is very adaptable...I think is a good word. She's a quick learner, and she's very intelligent. On the other hand, she hasn't had a lot of experience driving in different scenarios. It's not so much her driving, but it's how she operates. If you talked to her, she could become oblivious to the red light coming up. She cares a lot about what other people think, and I was nervous that she'd be intimidated by the driving instructor. Physically, I think she was ready; mentally, I wasn't sure. It turns out that she did really well on it. Got a 90.

On Saturday, Kathleen and I went to the science museum. My favorite part was the planetarium. When Kathleen said that the stars look exactly like they do in Brazil, I was really excited. Being able to see all those stars at night would be an awesome moment for me. 

On Sunday, we had a birthday party for my aunts, uncle, and my dad. I got my dad a Kindle cover for his birthday, my grandmother got him a kindle, and my sister got him a 25 dollar gift card. Sounds like a good birthday to me! We had chicken thighs, potatoes, green beans, biscuits, etc.

Good times.

I'm pretty tired but feel pretty compelled to do an entry.

I think I've discovered what I'm going to name the title of the book that I'll eventually be writing. I thought about it while driving to school, and it almost made me shed a tear. I'm not exactly sure what the title is going to be, but I have a general idea of what direction I want to take. As far as the book content? I'm not too sure of that. It's really tough starting a book...it's like writing the introduction to an essay -- the only difference is you're writing a 100+ page essay, and the introduction is going to be at least 3 pages. I actually wrote a longer story when I was 12 -- I manually wrote that shit on a piece of paper, and dedicated a long time to it. I threw it in the trash when I wasn't satisfied -- I'm not even sure if my mom pulled it out of the trash to see what it had to say. I know that if I was a father at that point and my son did the same thing, I'd do everything I could to read it. I bet that shit is hilarious!

I was in a good mood to go to school today unlike last time when I was pissed off at the world, along with myself, and decided to spend some time at the lake to continue reading my book. I managed to finish the first book of Harry Potter -- it didn't take me that long. I've got a whole bunch of other books to go, but my girlfriend is reading the third and wants me to slow down. I went on Amazon last night and bought a Nicolas Sparks book, but forgot that my Kindle was still at Kathleen's place. Originally, I planned on buying a book and going to class early so I could read it -- I knew we had a review in class, so I didn't have to study for anything. Next Thursday I have a midterm and my grade in Spanish is pretty bad right now. Tuesday is a student study day, but I gotta work 3 to 10 like a cool kid. I tried to request a personal day, but I was a tad bit too late since my manager already completed the schedule. Oh well -- if my girlfriend wasn't at school all fuckin' day, I probably would've spent it at Kathleen's place anyways. Would I rather be with her than study? Hell yeah! It's just Spanish. It's all memorization, so it's not like it's gonna take a whole week to study for a midterm. Just a full 24 hours the day before the exam. With my luck, that'll come true.

In Spanish class, a woman mentioned that I look like someone she saw earlier yesterday, except he was bald. The bald version of me, basically. She told me that I wouldn't look good bald, and I kind of took it as a compliment. I know that my genetic baldness is inevitable -- unless, by some miracle Rogaine works or someone funds me the money to have Bosley, I'm going to be bald. There's no question about that. It's funny when someone would pretend like I have a choice at becoming bald. I know she's kidding and I didn't take offense, but some people don't really think about how people feel. I'm a strong guy...you can't be weak and growing bald genetically because it's like getting cancer and knowing your death: you either choose to let it consume you, or you choose to make the best of it. I made the best of my hair -- I comb my hair every morning even if there's not much of a difference. My girlfriend says I'll be completely bald by 30 -- all I can say is...I sure do hope. Another 8 years before I have no choice but to shave that sucker off? Hell yeah. At least let me grow old enough so I won't feel like an odd person for growing genetically bald so fast. Even still, I don't care. It's something that I've learned to accept -- otherwise, my self-esteem would be much...much lower.

By the way, that woman? Surprisingly big boobs. If I was single, I probably would've pursued. Fortunately, my girlfriend has some pretty tig bitties as well. I used to not be a tit kind of guy, but I think my girlfriend has converted me -- but I'll never stop being an ass guy, either.

I could say some other stuff about my day, but they're pretty insignificant. A traffic Cop by an Elementary school stepped in front of my car and pretty much told me to slow down using hand movements, but I accelerated fast when he got out of my way. I didn't give a fuck. Shit to do, places to go, crack to smoke.

Now I'm gonna go to bed because I gotta wake up in about 4 hours. In order to take my girlfriend to the DMV for her driving test appointment, I have to leave work at 2. For some reason, I chose to work at 6 instead of 7 so I could still get a full 8-hour shift and still leave in time to reach Kathleen. For a 7.45, do you really think it was worth it? Probably not, but I'm gonna do it...and I'm gonna be tired. But that's okay with me because at the end of the day, I'll be snuggling with my girlfriend and won't give a single fuck. I'll sleep in Saturday because I plan on taking Kathleen to a science museum.

I'll be just fine.

I went to work this morning and it went better than I expected -- it just seemed long and drawn out because I was anticipating my boss to pull me aside and say something. Afterwords, I helped my grandparents move stuff because some of the floors are being replaced with hardwood. I was really looking forward to seeing my girlfriend because I planned on going to Wal-Mart to buy a couple things: a "sorry" card, a nice box of chocolates, and some motor oil. I bought motor oil because, before I left to go to Kathleen's place, my dad told me to check my oil -- turns out, my oil was running super low, and I needed anti-freeze in my car. So I put a quart of motor oil in my engine and went to Wal-Mart.

Today was a good day for Kathleen and I. I just wanted to make sure that we were okay, and I feel like we can move on.

I also saw the Presidential debate. I'm still going to vote for Obama, but I think Mitt Romney showed more debate skills than Obama did even if I disagree with most of Mitt Romney's viewpoints and such. Oh well. 3 more to go.

In about 5 hours, my boss is going to come to work and notice that the shelves are practically empty. He's going to make a mental note and assume that I wasn't doing my job yesterday. One of our co-workers quit, so we've been a man down. Yesterday, two people worked: one opened up in the morning, and I closed the department. In reality, there's supposed to be at least 3 people working. The co-worker who opened up doesn't really give a fuck because he's retired, has a military background, and all this stuff. He told me he's got over a million dollars in the bank account. As you can imagine, he does what he wants to, however he wants to. No one talks down to him, no one tries to rush his ass, etc. Not a whole lot was able to get done. Everything pretty much looked like shit, had to cut a bunch of meat to put out on the shelves because they were all practically empty. All fuckin' day, customers came up and asked where a certain product was because it was on sale, and I all told them the same thing because I didn't have the product. I told them we're running low on stock, and there's not a whole lot I can do about it. I did a lot of shit. Sure, there was a certain point where I stood around and texted, but I didn't get the chance to take a 15 minute break. If I can't take a break in the break room, I sure as hell am going to take a break SOMEWHERE. This job drives me fucking insane, and I hide my feelings so well. Today, I really didn't want to go to work. In fact, I didn't even go to school today. You want to know what I did? I went to the lake, sat in my car, and continued reading the first book of Harry Potter. And you know what? It was nice.

I've been upset these past several days, for obvious reasons, and I really wasn't looking forward to closing down my department. Even if I wanted to, I didn't have a choice. I'm really not looking forward to going to work at 7 in the morning...especially when I know that someone is going to say something about what I did or didn't do.

Today, I'm going to Kathleen's place to make up to her for what's been going on these past couple days. Her tone of voice suggests that she's still really pissed off at me -- I know her enough to know that I'm not exactly on her good side at the moment. That's right, I'm still in the doghouse. I'm thinking about getting a pillow and bringing it to the doghouse, because I'm there quite often. I just need to snuggle and forget about the world for a second. I know that at some point, life is going to hit me like a brick wall. I'm not afraid to admit it...I'm scared as shit. I don't know what's going to happen within these next couple of years, and it's scary as shit. I don't know what I'm going to do...all I know is that I'm about to have a nervous breakdown. I've never fainted before, and I've never had an anxiety attack. I think that I'm due for one or the other at some point in my future.

Saturday is my favorite day of the week. Even since high school, it was my favorite day of the week because Sunday was the day that I actually worried about stuff. Granted, there's been lots of times where I've had to do a lot of work over the weekend to do projects and whatnot, but for the most part...Saturday is the best day of the week. You've got the whole day to (hopefully) accomplish things while relaxing a bit, and then you can go to sleep knowing that you have another full day to get down to business (if necessary) or continue being awesome. Unfortunately, last Saturday was NOT a good day for me -- for Kathleen and I, really.

It started with a little miscommunication. One of our relationship flaws is that we hardly ever want to do or eat the same things. Sometimes I'm perfectly fine with staying inside, reading books, watching tv, snuggling, etc...but sometimes I want to get out, get a breath of fresh air, hold hands, etc. Sometimes I actually want to go somewhere. Sometimes I'll want to go to Ross or other shopping centers close by, and other times I don't. Very rarely do we 100% agree on something -- the only time that I'm actually willing to go to Wal-Mart is right after we have sex. Of course, after that point, I'm willing to go pretty much anywhere because I'm relaxed and don't give a single fuck where I am. Since we want different things all the time, we have miscommunication. We want each other to be happy, and that's really how our arguments typically start. For stupid reasons. At first, I didn't want to go anywhere...but after seeing a couple tv shows and a movie or two, I started to get pretty damn bored and wanted to go do something. I told Kathleen that I wanted to go somewhere, and...as you might imagine, didn't really want to go anywhere. I didn't think anything of it at the time, was getting a little bit frustrated, and I just wanted to go somewhere instead of staying inside and watching more movies. Sometimes I'm okay with that, but this wasn't an occasion because, as you can see from my past entry, I didn't like spending time near Kathleen by myself. She's the reason why I drive to Morrow -- otherwise, I wouldn't give any fucks about Clayton State University. If I didn't know meet Kathleen, I still probably wouldn't know about Clayton State University. Since I do, I'm almost more familiar with her school than I am mine. The other day, a student at Georgia Perimeter College asked me where building "E" was, and I completely forgot. I've been going to GPC for practically 2 years (or more!) now. I should know this campus by the back of my hand, but I forgot. I didn't want to spend the whole day just laying around because I pretty much did that for many hours at the hotel room on Friday while my girlfriend was having fun. In her defense, I chose to buy a hotel room. I chose to have the appointment for getting the US passport on the same friday she had girl's night, and I made my own personal choices for everything. So I'm not going to sit here and type that it's her fault for what went down this weekend. I'm more of the guilty one.

So I got kind of frustrated, you know? We started heading somewhere, and I pulled into a parking lot. I asked her some questions, things got escalated, we started yelling at each other, and we pretty much went home to argue some more.

It got to the point where Kathleen and I were crying. Obviously, I was frustrated and wasn't thinking very clearly, so I dropped my laptop on the floor. The reason why I dropped my laptop on the floor was after she mentioned that I could have the laptop. Just recently, she gave me it and I wasn't sure why she would even bring it up. It was mine, she knew it was mine, but she brought it up for a reason that I didn't know. Immediantly, I thought...you know what? I don't want it. So I threw it on the ground...not to make her upset, but expensively saying "fuck it." As you can imagine, it was a pretty bad decision. I loved the laptop...not because it was a nice laptop (because it really was), but because it was Kathleen's old laptop. It had pictures of us and everything. It meant a lot to me, and it didn't hit me till about...20 minutes later or so after we started settling down from our argument. How could I do such a thing, you know? My girlfriend gave me the laptop out of love, I was so happy that she did that I fixed the screen myself, all just to throw it on the ground?

It made me feel like shit because I felt like I let Kathleen down, and I most certainly let myself down. I learned from the experience, however, because I realize that I still have a part of my past: the anger issue. My girlfriend has slammed and punched a thing or two, but it was never something 500 bucks worth. Granted, she almost decided to drive her car without a license. I put myself behind her so she'd have to hit me if she wanted to drive anywhere. I was actually hoping that she would decide to run me over, but I know that she wouldn't have done it. If I was wrong...well, I pretty much deserved any kind of pain.

So fuck it, right? We get over it. I decide to take a bath on Sunday while she's doing whatever to relax my muscles, and we end up taking a shower. So I figured...if I'm allowed to see her naked, I must be out of the doghouse. And I was. That night, we had a good discussion with one of her friends about old games, Cokestudios, Neopets, and all of those games we used to play. The night ended on a good note, and I wasn't looking forward to waking up at 5:30 to go to work. I get pretty upset about it, but my life could be much much worse.

But then, I recently found out that this costume party that Kathleen and I planned on going to to celebrate her friend's boyfriend's birthday consists of alcohol. It made me really fucking upset because no one told me about it -- I thought it was going to be a costume/birthday party but it's turning out to be something much different than I expected. We all know that I find alcohol consumption to be absolutely repulsive considering the fact that my grandmother is either buzzed or intoxicated almost everyday. I got really fucking upset and started talking to Kathleen while she was playing L4D2, but she's the only friend that I could confide in. We get into a long ass argument over the same stuff as usual. Like a normal person, she got really fucking upset, and I got really upset. Again. Twice in almost two days I've made my girlfriend cry...only this time, it was over the phone...which is what I was trying to avoid because I can never handle hearing my girlfriend crying and trying to explain myself. It makes me weak and I instantly lose any argument, and have no hope of recovering. So I was a goner when she called me, and she got off the phone without saying I love you. So I wasn't willing to end the night with my girlfriend pissed off at me..again, so I sat down and thought about everything and concluded that she's right, you know? She's a smart woman. I'm just being selfish, and it's all because I feel vulnerable and scared. We ended up talking on the phone later on and I admitted that I was very sorry and I sincerely hope we're okay.

So a lot of shit has been going down. My grandparents are having people over repair some carpets and whatnot which is a good opportunity to help around the house and shit. My grandmother approved of me going a month away to Brazil, and that's really all I need to help her. It means a lot to me that she would approve of such a thing...the same woman who nagged me to get a job and all this stuff. Brazil is exactly what I need right now.

For a side story, because I was upset these past several days...my Coke consumption has gone up, believe it or not. I got a bunch of cans in my room, empty, and there's been a sound coming from one of my empty cans all day. For a long time, I thought it was just carbonated bubbles reacting with the air. But then I was like...there's no way it's still bubbling for that long. I lifted the Coke can, and a little head of a water bug popped out with it's antenna stretching far. Tried to drown the fucker in the sink but got scared that it was gonna come out of the can, crawl up the sink, and try and attack me. So I just threw him in the recycled can bag and sparred his life. The garage is filled with bugs, so it's not like I'd be starting a storm. What freaks me out even more is that this water bug came from somewhere. It had to crawl on my dresser drawers to reach the can. Basically, I was less than a foot away from a waterbug and didn't even know.

Maybe I should be more proactive. Eh. Who knows. That's all I got for now. Hopefully Kathleen and I are okay. We shall see.